Finnick isn't exactly sure what he thinks of Loki yet. He isn't 100% certain they'll even get along, long-term. They both seem to have big egos and Finnick wonders if they might clash. He just doesn't have enough information yet. But, the man is handsome and smart, and Finnick finds himself a bit intrigued.
Bondage isn't something anyone here has suggested to him yet, let alone on a public forum, and he likes that boldness. It shows Loki is open-minded and they could probably have some fun together, of a kinkier variety. God knows Finnick gets tired of vanilla sex.
He smiles as he sees Loki, sits across from him and leans forward on the table.
"Oh, how niiiice," he drawls. "I'll drink anything. Thank you."
He allows a beat of silence, to look into Loki's eyes with a tiny, slightly mischievous smile. "Hi."
"Charmer," he purrs, and picks up the bottle, pouring the wine for him. "I got the impression that flirting is how you get the measure of a person, and so I didn't assume you were genuinely interested. Perhaps that's just me projecting. I often find myself prodding at people verbally, and sometimes pushing them away, before I settle in to liking them."
He doesn't always mean to test people, but 99% of the time he tests them whether he means to or not.
"How organized is the kink scene you're accustomed to? Negotiation? Safe words? Best if we don't speak at cross-purposes. I'm not interested in causing anyone harm. Not in bed."
Finnick's smile widens a little as Loki pours the wine.
"You're right, it's my go-to approach to get to know people. Usually puts me in their good books, and if it doesn't, I have other strategies." He feels comfortable being plain about the fact that he's a bit manipulative, probably because Loki has openly admitted to being deceptive.
"But I don't outright lie. I don't make someone think I'm interested in them if I'm truly not." It's just that he's... Interested in a lot of people. And the compulsion for sex is at times so strong that he's willing to look past some things.
"Uh..." Finnick is somewhat caught off-guard by the question. It's a good one, but he isn't sure how to answer. Finnick has a lot of experience with kinky activities, but he doesn't know the terminology of it all. He just... Does it.
"My situation is... Somewhat unique. I have a lot of experience, but... Negotiation was a little biased against me," he hedges, projecting a thoughtful tone that's more confident than he feels as he swirls the wine.
More like a lot biased, Finnick.
"So I would say... Not organized. Someone wanted something, I would do it for them."
cw more dubcon implications, this might be a trend in this thread
Loki usually has a sixth sense for someone who plays social games because that's how they learned to defend themselves. Takes one to know one. Finnick threw him off a little, for whatever reason. Maybe his mask is just that good. Listening to him now, the godling feels some of his own uncertainty ease, though. There is common ground to be found here. He smiles a little, faintly, though it drops away as the other man explains further.
His eyes are very intent, vibrant red, an almost reptilian gaze, but he makes a point of not interrupting, and when he's done, Loki sips his own wine, taking a moment to process his own thoughts before responding. "With me, negotiation is not biased against you. I use whatever tactics I have to for the power to defend myself, and my ends may not always justify my means. I can be a nasty piece of work, and I know it. But there are lines I don't cross. I don't misuse my lovers, whether there's an emotional connection or whether it's just for fun."
"I...spent some time marooned on a red light district of a planet not that long ago," he adds with a sigh, glancing into his own cup. "Only a few weeks, but it was educational. The social structure of the place was set up such that survival was most easily achieved by fighting or fucking. I liked my chances better with the latter. Obviously, I survived, but I wouldn't wish the whole experience on anyone else, either."
There's something restrained about that. Understated. There's a lot going on in his head.
"Anyway, I prefer the standard Midgardian--human, that is--best practices. Safe, sane, consensual. A system of verbal cues to make sure no one oversteps. Either party gets to tap out if they're overwhelmed. I'm not about making my bed partners miserable. I'll make everyone else miserable, just not in the bedroom."
It certainly helps Finnick that he does enjoy flirting and sex and meeting new people. It isn't like he has to pretend and mask all that much in Caldera, because most of the Visitors here are genuinely kind and likable.
For some reason, Finnick's hair stands on end slightly at Loki's use of the words 'tactics' and 'power', but the end of that sentence puts him more at ease.
He continues to listen intently, until Loki mentions fucking or fighting as a survival strategy, and Finnick laughs, though the sound has no mirth or joy in it. He actually sounds deeply uncomfortable.
"I've used both fucking and fighting as survival strategies. I also wouldn't wish it on anyone." He feels a little sick. He swallows, looks away, tries to mask his discomfort by sipping his wine.
"You'll have to teach me those practices. I need them." For his own sake, and the sake of others he sleeps with. Finnick never wants to treat anyone else the way he's been treated, not even by accident.
There is persistent cognitive dissonance that haunts Loki regarding Sakaar. While he recognizes the inherent brutality of the Grandmaster's dictatorship, his feelings about the man himself are ambiguous. The reason for that is because he has been in the hands of masters far more vicious. When you fall into someone's hands and expect to be slowly tortured, having them merely insist you play along with their whims and come to their parties feels like an easy ask. Stockholm Syndrome set in with the first breath he took on the planet.
It's not okay, and he's not okay, but compared to his terror of Thanos, Sakaar and the Grandmaster just feel like mild embarrassments. And he's not sure they should, or what it says about him that he can look back at what he did there with only a little personal discomfort.
Finnick's reaction tells him he should probably set the topic aside for now. That it was wise of him, perhaps, not to specifically reference the arena, or the orgy ships. "That's true of many of us," he says, with respect to survival strategies. "The universe is a nasty place."
"I'll teach you whatever you'd like to learn," he says, and it certainly could sound like innuendo, but his voice is neutral for the moment. Like he said, he's not interested in pushing Finnick, or making him miserable. "Negotiation beforehand is the first step. What you're willing to do, and what's absolutely off the table."
"I'm comfortable experiencing levels of rough treatment that most humans couldn't bear, for example," he says. "But I cannot be bound and left alone. If I'm helpless, someone has to be within my line of sight--or touching me, if my eyes are covered."
Finnick nods, still looking away, rubbing his sweating palm a little too hard against his thigh. For some reason, this conversation about their pasts is almost too much for him. It's odd, because he's told other people in Caldera about his sexual trauma, and while not pleasant, he wasn't this uncomfortable. It was actually more cathartic than anything. It must be his lack of trust in Loki, his fear of how the man might use the knowledge of his vulnerabilities to control or abuse him. Loki has already said point-blank that he doesn't want to harm anyone in bed, but the fact that he didn't put harming people in general off the table doesn't make Finnick feel too great. Should he even be getting close to this strange man, let alone delving into risky sexual acts with him?
For now, he'll listen to Loki, and if he's still having doubts by the end of their discussion, he'll raise them.
Finnick then looks at the other man again with interest, leaning forward and nodding, seeming to be very ready to learn.
"Okay, that's good to know. Um... It's not easy for me to identify what I like and what I don't. I had to pretend a lot and I started to fool even myself."
He thinks for a few moments, looking off into the distance.
"One thing I definitely hate is choking on cock. Over time my gag reflex got worse instead of going away as it does for some people, so it can make me sick. So if I'm sucking you off, just don't push on my head. I do love my hair being pulled, though."
He can tell he's anxious. Maybe this was a bad idea? But presumably backing out of the whole thing now would insult him, and so Loki's best course of action, he assumes, is patience, and trusting Finnick to tell him to fuck off if he gets too uncomfortable.
"It's also perfectly fine to decide what's going on isn't what you want, in the spur of the moment," he says, trying to sound reassuring. "That's what the verbal signals are for. Generally you have a safe word that you can say at any point--something that wouldn't normally be spoken during pillow talk, like, I don't know...'alligator' or 'telephone'. If either person says the word, everything stops immediately, you catch your breath and talk it over."
His gazes softens a little at the confession, but he smiles faintly. "Ah, see, that's good to know because I'm the opposite. Absolutely treat me as roughly as you want if I'm going down on you, I like choking on cock. But I understand your aversion and I'll keep to your boundaries."
"...on that note, though, I, mmm...I'm intersex. While I do have a cock, at the moment I also have a vulva. When I get my powers, I can shapeshift to either/or, but until then, I have exactly what my parents gave me, no more and no less." Another pause, then: "Also it's all very blue down there right now. I suppose you'd have guessed that already but I'm not used to it."
Finnick listens to the bit about the safe word, thoughtfully, then speaks a little shyly.
"... That's a good idea. I... Don't know how possible it'll be for me to speak up if I don't like something. I'm very much conditioned to do the opposite. Stay quiet or lie."
'No' was never an option for him. 'No' could spell the death of Annie and Mags.
"But," he says quickly, "I'll do my best to use the word. And you should be able to tell by my body language, anyway, if I'm uncomfortable. I won't hide it." He's a good actor, but he doesn't intend on acting like he likes something that he doesn't, not in Caldera.
Finnick's face lights up as Loki says he's intersex and has both.
"Really? Wow! That's so cool! And yes, I was picturing your dick as blue, that's not a surprise." Maybe it's a surprise to Loki that Finnick was already picturing his dick, but it shouldn't be, really. It's Finnick.
That confession, subtle as it is, makes Loki want to reach out and try to comfort him, although...it's hard to tell if they're there quite yet. He extends a hand tentatively and gives him a light squeeze on the wrist, before withdrawing again. Stilted, but well meant.
"If we do this--and you're allowed to back out at any point, no ill feelings--you would be in charge the first time, anyway. The other method I've seen for checking in is having a sort of color code. Green for "I feel fine, keep going", yellow for "I'm not sure about this, go gently", or red for "stop". Maybe that would be easier for you? If I ask how you're feeling in the middle of something?"
He still might lie, might feel compelled to say he's good when he's not, but the 'yellow' option makes it easier to back out of things than having to directly call for a sudden halt.
The positive reaction to his own confession earns a smile in return, warmer and less guarded than most of Loki's facial expressions have been. "Some people like the versatility, I've found, but other people feel weird about it. I feel weird about the blue-ness, I'm not used to spending so much time in this shape, but that's my hang up, I guess, and no one else's."
His eyes glance to Loki's hand as he squeezes Finnick's wrist. A nice gesture, and he does find it comforting, if a little awkward. Loki doesn't really seem like the touchy-feely type, so Finnick assumes that was probably a big move for him. He gives a small smile.
"Oh... Yeah, that sounds really helpful. I'm sometimes unsure about things, but I don't want that to be taken as a no right away." He already knows he will be far more likely to speak up if he doesn't have to say 'no' or a word that means stop. And even if he says yellow but means red, things will slow down, and allow some time for him to muster up the nerve to be honest.
"If you'd ask me about the colors, that would mean a lot to me," he says sincerely. Loki being the one to check in, rather than the onus being completely on Finnick to shout out a word randomly, would help a lot with his ability to communicate. Besides... It's just nice to be asked. No one ever does that, really, in his world.
"Just sounds like double the fun to me," says Finnick in a more lighthearted tone. Then cocks his head to the side. "Wouldn't it be weirder if your dick was the only part not blue, though? Besides, lots of people here are funky colours. I fucked someone red already, and another blue-ish person, and a demon-spider with a fuzzy pink retractable dick." Hopefully those examples will make Loki feel less out of place.
There is a barrier that has to be broken before Loki gets touchy-feely with anyone. His inclinations, especially in this shape, are to maintain a personal space bubble. That might vanish if they sleep together, though.
For now, for just a moment there's an interesting shift in Loki himself, a brief burst of uncomplicated contentment because evidently he said something right. He smiles, bright and hopeful, and takes another drink of his wine.
Finnick's commentary about his dick makes him laugh. "Norns, no, you're right, that would be disturbing. I mean, a strap-on is one thing, those can be any color..."
Wait, hold on a sec. "Demon-spider? You saw him? I thought I had hallucinated him entirely!" Sorry, this is exciting news, he's so pleased he's not losing his mind. "Damn, now I'm sorry I didn't proposition him, myself."
Finnick smiles warmly, as well. He's also hopeful. He's almost never had such a frank discussion about consent, aside from his relationship with Annie, and even with her, they didn't have all of these methods and tools for safe communication. They sort of just... Muddled their way through with love and understanding. It's mind-blowing and eye-opening to Finnick that there even are safeguards like this that exist, and he's immensely grateful to be taught about them. Now, he can use them with any partner, and no one will feel taken advantage of (in an ideal world. The real world is of course messier).
He chuckles.
"No! He's real! And it was more like he propositioned me first. It really threw me to be beaten to the punch! He was a porn star in his world, so, we hit it off about our similar professions. Haven't seen him since, though... I really hope he's okay."
Finnick didn't get to learn a lot about Angel before they jumped in bed together, but anyone who can relate to Finnick that much about sex work, he worries for.
"Oh, now I'm jealous," he says, without sounding jealous at all. "We were looking for that child in the well, it wasn't a good place for anyone to be propositioning anyone else, let alone following through. I have to know, was the fluff as soft as it looked?"
His smile turns a little wry then, and he nods slightly in understanding. "Hard to say what happens to people who just...vanish from here like that, isn't it? Theoretically at least he's returned home and has a fighting chance there."
But then, Loki didn't talk to Angel Dust long enough to really get the picture of what his home life was like.
"Oh my god, so soft!" Finnick raves with enthusiasm. "That was the best part, besides all the hands. Six hands, touching everywhere... Ugh." He shivers with pleasure to remember it, grinning as his eyes roll back behind his fluttering lids a little.
But then his frown returns.
"I couldn't find the username he gave me on the network, so he must be gone. And that's the thing... He's from hell. If he went back home, that makes me even more worried. He acted like he enjoyed his job, but... That kind of work is easily exploited in a place like that." He scratches his temple, looking off to the side with worry.
"Anyway, uh, I'm getting off topic. Was there more you wanted to negotiate? I'm really enjoying learning from you. I wish I knew this stuff years ago." Not that it would have really helped, in his situation, but still.
"Damn," Loki sighs plaintively. "I should have asked for a quick snuggle. Maybe we'll see him again some day."
His expression sobers at the news, although it doesn't really surprise him to hear that a demon came from Hell. "Mm. Well, if it makes you feel any better, he mentioned he normally had guns, and seemed reasonably capable with a knife, so he's likely capable of defending himself."
Not that being able to physically defend oneself means you're exploitation-proof. Far from it, but maybe they should talk about lighter things. "Well. As long as we're talking about it...I should add that aside from abandonment, I can't tolerate much heat. No hot wax, thank you. Actually, I'm not sure how cold you'll find skin contact with me. That may be a matter for experimentation before we get into anything too physically intimate."
He's not going to give anyone frostbite with casual contact, but that doesn't necessarily mean the coolness of his skin will be comfortable for a human.
"Oh, that's good," he murmurs, nodding. It definitely doesn't mean Angel Dust is completely safe, but at least he has some way of fighting back.
"Only one way to find out." Finnick reaches out his hand without hesitation, laying it palm-up on the table and open for Loki to grab. If he does, Finnick will not only hold it for a moment, but then begin to slide his hand up Loki's inner forearm, wrapping his fingers gently around it as they glide over his skin.
Loki smiles at the offer of his hand. He would have asked, had Finnick not taken the initiative, but based on their conversation earlier, it feels better to let him lead. He places his hand in the other man's, curling his fingers gently. His touch is cold, but not in a way that feels inhuman. More like someone who's come in from a brisk walk in the snow. The texture of his skin, on the other hand, is very smooth, silky, save for where the Jotun ridges etch across it. They're symmetrical, fine, raised lines, about the width of a violin string on his fingers, but growing a little wider as they arc up his forearm.
As Finnick slides his hand up, Loki makes a faint sound of surprise, and his eyes close briefly. The ridges are more sensitive than he realized, at least in the context of touching and being touched by living flesh. "That...feels strangely new."
It feels new to Finnick, too. The chill of his hand, the tiny raised lines on blue skin. The sensation gives him a slight shiver as he examines Loki closely. The other man closes his eyes, seemingly enjoying the touch more than Finnick expected he would.
"New?" Finnick tilts his head, curious. Loki did say he doesn't spend much time in this form, but he wonders what exactly is new about it.
He releases a shaky breath, and smiles wryly without opening his eyes again. "Nnh. I...it's a long story, but I wasn't even aware of this form until about a decade ago. I was adopted, and my parents built enchantments around me to hide my species. Asgardians look like humans, aside from being taller and stronger. Their skin is shades of ivory, or brown, or pink. Not blue, and not..."
He waves his free hand as if to indicate the ridges. "I'm a fool. It never occurred to me until now that I hadn't actually been touched in this shape, aside from in battle. Or handshakes, since arriving here." Part of him is still surprised anyone wants to, but saying so would sound pathetic at this point.
Thoughtfully, and still holding Loki's hand, Finnick uses his other hand to run over the back of it gently, then caress up the outer part of his forearm, taking care to touch as many of those ridges as he can with warm palms and outstretched fingers. Slowly, he makes his way up to Loki's elbow, then back down to his hand again.
If there is one person who knows what touch can communicate about a relationship, a person's worth to you, and what you think of their body, it's Finnick. A touch can make one feel disposable, or like the most precious thing in the world. Finnick is going more for the latter here, obviously, encouraging Loki's curiosity of this new form, as well as showing his own acceptance of it.
He speaks gently, quietly. "It's cool... I like getting to know everyone's unique features. And if it feels good and new for you, then... All the better, right?"
The gentleness is unexpected. Finnick struck Loki as conscientious, someone he could trust not to cause him gratuitous harm, else he wouldn't have put himself in this position in the first place. Actual kindness is a pleasant surprise. His eyes remain closed a moment longer, but his smile grows more relaxed, and he finds himself leaning closer instinctively.
"...oh, I like you," he says softly, and finally looks at him again, red eyes sparkling. "Your hands feel very warm. In the interest of full disclosure, I should warn you the lines do go all the way down. I may need to start out a bit more gently than I thought I would."
"But we have all the time we need, don't we?" He curls his fingers around Finnick's and pulls his hand gently to his lips, kissing the back.
Hearing Loki explicitly say I like you makes Finnick's eyes visibly light up, the corners of his lips lifting unbidden. He has to restrain the urge to say really? like a little kid, because he wants to play it cool. However, it's rare someone gives him such a direct form of praise on something other than his looks. Finnick needs to be liked, as a form of survival, but he also very much wants to be liked, perhaps because his sense of self worth and identity never had a chance to grow. He was taught many lessons about his worth over the years, absolutely none of them good.
"Loki, you don't need to keep warning me about your body and what it looks like. I assure you, I can handle it. Bodies of all types are my specialty, after all." He smiles with his teeth, like he's assuring a customer who has doubts about a service. There seems to be some shame there, and Finnick wants to snuff out any negative body talk before it starts, because he's not about that life.
He smiles softly again as Loki kisses his hand. Having attention returned to him so readily is making him swoon a little.
"But yes, I'll be gentle with you, as I trust you will be with me. We can take it as slow as you like." Loki will check in with him about consent, and Finnick will be mindful of the newness of this body for Loki, and try to check in as well.
There are underlying currents here, similarities between them that Loki can feel exist, even if he couldn't put words to them. His experience is vastly different from Finnick's, of course. He's a prince, grew up with all the material and educational privilege a child could possibly have, but affection always felt contingent upon his behavior--except with Frigga. And his behavior was never up to par (also, except with Frigga), and so he spent a lot of time scrambling for some sense of identity he could live with.
Which then got shattered brutally by the revelation of his Jotun skin. His sense of worth is bound up in his divine providence now: god of liars, tricksters, mischief-makers, outcasts. Sower of chaos, which is sometimes good and sometimes terrible, but always leads to change.
At one time, not so long ago, sex workers were part of his providence as well, which means he picks up on that customer-service smile, and while it's okay--confident charm is endearing--he wants to clarify his own position, too. He reaches out and strokes along Finnick's jawline with the backs of his fingers, unmistakably gentle rather than cloyingly possessive.
"I know you can handle it. I'm impressed that you're being so kind about it, particularly since I didn't think I needed that." Didn't think he deserved it, is what he means, but there's not much difference between not-needing and not-deserving in Loki's head. "I like that."
The bar is clearly on the floor here, if Finnick's simple acceptance of Loki's body is such a likable thing, but there are plenty of forms of basic human decency that shock Finnick when he receives them, as well. Lioriley giving him food and gifts with no strings attached, Halsin telling him he could have a hug any time. When you're not used to such kindnesses, they hit you like a truck.
At the question, Finnick smiles and nods. He didn't expect Loki to like him so much, or to want to kiss him tonight, but kissing is as easy as breathing to him. Keeping their hands clasped, Finnick deftly moves around the table to sit next to Loki in the booth. He gently puts a hand on Loki's cheek to turn his face, and leans in to kiss his lips. Softly, slowly.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Blanket cw that this thread is nsfw
Bondage isn't something anyone here has suggested to him yet, let alone on a public forum, and he likes that boldness. It shows Loki is open-minded and they could probably have some fun together, of a kinkier variety. God knows Finnick gets tired of vanilla sex.
He smiles as he sees Loki, sits across from him and leans forward on the table.
"Oh, how niiiice," he drawls. "I'll drink anything. Thank you."
He allows a beat of silence, to look into Loki's eyes with a tiny, slightly mischievous smile. "Hi."
no subject
He doesn't always mean to test people, but 99% of the time he tests them whether he means to or not.
"How organized is the kink scene you're accustomed to? Negotiation? Safe words? Best if we don't speak at cross-purposes. I'm not interested in causing anyone harm. Not in bed."
cw hypersexuality, dubcon implication
"You're right, it's my go-to approach to get to know people. Usually puts me in their good books, and if it doesn't, I have other strategies." He feels comfortable being plain about the fact that he's a bit manipulative, probably because Loki has openly admitted to being deceptive.
"But I don't outright lie. I don't make someone think I'm interested in them if I'm truly not." It's just that he's... Interested in a lot of people. And the compulsion for sex is at times so strong that he's willing to look past some things.
"Uh..." Finnick is somewhat caught off-guard by the question. It's a good one, but he isn't sure how to answer. Finnick has a lot of experience with kinky activities, but he doesn't know the terminology of it all. He just... Does it.
"My situation is... Somewhat unique. I have a lot of experience, but... Negotiation was a little biased against me," he hedges, projecting a thoughtful tone that's more confident than he feels as he swirls the wine.
More like a lot biased, Finnick.
"So I would say... Not organized. Someone wanted something, I would do it for them."
cw more dubcon implications, this might be a trend in this thread
His eyes are very intent, vibrant red, an almost reptilian gaze, but he makes a point of not interrupting, and when he's done, Loki sips his own wine, taking a moment to process his own thoughts before responding. "With me, negotiation is not biased against you. I use whatever tactics I have to for the power to defend myself, and my ends may not always justify my means. I can be a nasty piece of work, and I know it. But there are lines I don't cross. I don't misuse my lovers, whether there's an emotional connection or whether it's just for fun."
"I...spent some time marooned on a red light district of a planet not that long ago," he adds with a sigh, glancing into his own cup. "Only a few weeks, but it was educational. The social structure of the place was set up such that survival was most easily achieved by fighting or fucking. I liked my chances better with the latter. Obviously, I survived, but I wouldn't wish the whole experience on anyone else, either."
There's something restrained about that. Understated. There's a lot going on in his head.
"Anyway, I prefer the standard Midgardian--human, that is--best practices. Safe, sane, consensual. A system of verbal cues to make sure no one oversteps. Either party gets to tap out if they're overwhelmed. I'm not about making my bed partners miserable. I'll make everyone else miserable, just not in the bedroom."
always a trend with finnick
For some reason, Finnick's hair stands on end slightly at Loki's use of the words 'tactics' and 'power', but the end of that sentence puts him more at ease.
He continues to listen intently, until Loki mentions fucking or fighting as a survival strategy, and Finnick laughs, though the sound has no mirth or joy in it. He actually sounds deeply uncomfortable.
"I've used both fucking and fighting as survival strategies. I also wouldn't wish it on anyone." He feels a little sick. He swallows, looks away, tries to mask his discomfort by sipping his wine.
"You'll have to teach me those practices. I need them." For his own sake, and the sake of others he sleeps with. Finnick never wants to treat anyone else the way he's been treated, not even by accident.
no subject
It's not okay, and he's not okay, but compared to his terror of Thanos, Sakaar and the Grandmaster just feel like mild embarrassments. And he's not sure they should, or what it says about him that he can look back at what he did there with only a little personal discomfort.
Finnick's reaction tells him he should probably set the topic aside for now. That it was wise of him, perhaps, not to specifically reference the arena, or the orgy ships. "That's true of many of us," he says, with respect to survival strategies. "The universe is a nasty place."
"I'll teach you whatever you'd like to learn," he says, and it certainly could sound like innuendo, but his voice is neutral for the moment. Like he said, he's not interested in pushing Finnick, or making him miserable. "Negotiation beforehand is the first step. What you're willing to do, and what's absolutely off the table."
"I'm comfortable experiencing levels of rough treatment that most humans couldn't bear, for example," he says. "But I cannot be bound and left alone. If I'm helpless, someone has to be within my line of sight--or touching me, if my eyes are covered."
no subject
For now, he'll listen to Loki, and if he's still having doubts by the end of their discussion, he'll raise them.
Finnick then looks at the other man again with interest, leaning forward and nodding, seeming to be very ready to learn.
"Okay, that's good to know. Um... It's not easy for me to identify what I like and what I don't. I had to pretend a lot and I started to fool even myself."
He thinks for a few moments, looking off into the distance.
"One thing I definitely hate is choking on cock. Over time my gag reflex got worse instead of going away as it does for some people, so it can make me sick. So if I'm sucking you off, just don't push on my head. I do love my hair being pulled, though."
no subject
"It's also perfectly fine to decide what's going on isn't what you want, in the spur of the moment," he says, trying to sound reassuring. "That's what the verbal signals are for. Generally you have a safe word that you can say at any point--something that wouldn't normally be spoken during pillow talk, like, I don't know...'alligator' or 'telephone'. If either person says the word, everything stops immediately, you catch your breath and talk it over."
His gazes softens a little at the confession, but he smiles faintly. "Ah, see, that's good to know because I'm the opposite. Absolutely treat me as roughly as you want if I'm going down on you, I like choking on cock. But I understand your aversion and I'll keep to your boundaries."
"...on that note, though, I, mmm...I'm intersex. While I do have a cock, at the moment I also have a vulva. When I get my powers, I can shapeshift to either/or, but until then, I have exactly what my parents gave me, no more and no less." Another pause, then: "Also it's all very blue down there right now. I suppose you'd have guessed that already but I'm not used to it."
cw hella dubcon/noncon implications
"... That's a good idea. I... Don't know how possible it'll be for me to speak up if I don't like something. I'm very much conditioned to do the opposite. Stay quiet or lie."
'No' was never an option for him. 'No' could spell the death of Annie and Mags.
"But," he says quickly, "I'll do my best to use the word. And you should be able to tell by my body language, anyway, if I'm uncomfortable. I won't hide it." He's a good actor, but he doesn't intend on acting like he likes something that he doesn't, not in Caldera.
Finnick's face lights up as Loki says he's intersex and has both.
"Really? Wow! That's so cool! And yes, I was picturing your dick as blue, that's not a surprise." Maybe it's a surprise to Loki that Finnick was already picturing his dick, but it shouldn't be, really. It's Finnick.
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"If we do this--and you're allowed to back out at any point, no ill feelings--you would be in charge the first time, anyway. The other method I've seen for checking in is having a sort of color code. Green for "I feel fine, keep going", yellow for "I'm not sure about this, go gently", or red for "stop". Maybe that would be easier for you? If I ask how you're feeling in the middle of something?"
He still might lie, might feel compelled to say he's good when he's not, but the 'yellow' option makes it easier to back out of things than having to directly call for a sudden halt.
The positive reaction to his own confession earns a smile in return, warmer and less guarded than most of Loki's facial expressions have been. "Some people like the versatility, I've found, but other people feel weird about it. I feel weird about the blue-ness, I'm not used to spending so much time in this shape, but that's my hang up, I guess, and no one else's."
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"Oh... Yeah, that sounds really helpful. I'm sometimes unsure about things, but I don't want that to be taken as a no right away." He already knows he will be far more likely to speak up if he doesn't have to say 'no' or a word that means stop. And even if he says yellow but means red, things will slow down, and allow some time for him to muster up the nerve to be honest.
"If you'd ask me about the colors, that would mean a lot to me," he says sincerely. Loki being the one to check in, rather than the onus being completely on Finnick to shout out a word randomly, would help a lot with his ability to communicate. Besides... It's just nice to be asked. No one ever does that, really, in his world.
"Just sounds like double the fun to me," says Finnick in a more lighthearted tone. Then cocks his head to the side. "Wouldn't it be weirder if your dick was the only part not blue, though? Besides, lots of people here are funky colours. I fucked someone red already, and another blue-ish person, and a demon-spider with a fuzzy pink retractable dick." Hopefully those examples will make Loki feel less out of place.
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For now, for just a moment there's an interesting shift in Loki himself, a brief burst of uncomplicated contentment because evidently he said something right. He smiles, bright and hopeful, and takes another drink of his wine.
Finnick's commentary about his dick makes him laugh. "Norns, no, you're right, that would be disturbing. I mean, a strap-on is one thing, those can be any color..."
Wait, hold on a sec. "Demon-spider? You saw him? I thought I had hallucinated him entirely!" Sorry, this is exciting news, he's so pleased he's not losing his mind. "Damn, now I'm sorry I didn't proposition him, myself."
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He chuckles.
"No! He's real! And it was more like he propositioned me first. It really threw me to be beaten to the punch! He was a porn star in his world, so, we hit it off about our similar professions. Haven't seen him since, though... I really hope he's okay."
Finnick didn't get to learn a lot about Angel before they jumped in bed together, but anyone who can relate to Finnick that much about sex work, he worries for.
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His smile turns a little wry then, and he nods slightly in understanding. "Hard to say what happens to people who just...vanish from here like that, isn't it? Theoretically at least he's returned home and has a fighting chance there."
But then, Loki didn't talk to Angel Dust long enough to really get the picture of what his home life was like.
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But then his frown returns.
"I couldn't find the username he gave me on the network, so he must be gone. And that's the thing... He's from hell. If he went back home, that makes me even more worried. He acted like he enjoyed his job, but... That kind of work is easily exploited in a place like that." He scratches his temple, looking off to the side with worry.
"Anyway, uh, I'm getting off topic. Was there more you wanted to negotiate? I'm really enjoying learning from you. I wish I knew this stuff years ago." Not that it would have really helped, in his situation, but still.
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His expression sobers at the news, although it doesn't really surprise him to hear that a demon came from Hell. "Mm. Well, if it makes you feel any better, he mentioned he normally had guns, and seemed reasonably capable with a knife, so he's likely capable of defending himself."
Not that being able to physically defend oneself means you're exploitation-proof. Far from it, but maybe they should talk about lighter things. "Well. As long as we're talking about it...I should add that aside from abandonment, I can't tolerate much heat. No hot wax, thank you. Actually, I'm not sure how cold you'll find skin contact with me. That may be a matter for experimentation before we get into anything too physically intimate."
He's not going to give anyone frostbite with casual contact, but that doesn't necessarily mean the coolness of his skin will be comfortable for a human.
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"Only one way to find out." Finnick reaches out his hand without hesitation, laying it palm-up on the table and open for Loki to grab. If he does, Finnick will not only hold it for a moment, but then begin to slide his hand up Loki's inner forearm, wrapping his fingers gently around it as they glide over his skin.
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As Finnick slides his hand up, Loki makes a faint sound of surprise, and his eyes close briefly. The ridges are more sensitive than he realized, at least in the context of touching and being touched by living flesh. "That...feels strangely new."
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"New?" Finnick tilts his head, curious. Loki did say he doesn't spend much time in this form, but he wonders what exactly is new about it.
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He waves his free hand as if to indicate the ridges. "I'm a fool. It never occurred to me until now that I hadn't actually been touched in this shape, aside from in battle. Or handshakes, since arriving here." Part of him is still surprised anyone wants to, but saying so would sound pathetic at this point.
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If there is one person who knows what touch can communicate about a relationship, a person's worth to you, and what you think of their body, it's Finnick. A touch can make one feel disposable, or like the most precious thing in the world. Finnick is going more for the latter here, obviously, encouraging Loki's curiosity of this new form, as well as showing his own acceptance of it.
He speaks gently, quietly. "It's cool... I like getting to know everyone's unique features. And if it feels good and new for you, then... All the better, right?"
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"...oh, I like you," he says softly, and finally looks at him again, red eyes sparkling. "Your hands feel very warm. In the interest of full disclosure, I should warn you the lines do go all the way down. I may need to start out a bit more gently than I thought I would."
"But we have all the time we need, don't we?" He curls his fingers around Finnick's and pulls his hand gently to his lips, kissing the back.
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"Loki, you don't need to keep warning me about your body and what it looks like. I assure you, I can handle it. Bodies of all types are my specialty, after all." He smiles with his teeth, like he's assuring a customer who has doubts about a service. There seems to be some shame there, and Finnick wants to snuff out any negative body talk before it starts, because he's not about that life.
He smiles softly again as Loki kisses his hand. Having attention returned to him so readily is making him swoon a little.
"But yes, I'll be gentle with you, as I trust you will be with me. We can take it as slow as you like." Loki will check in with him about consent, and Finnick will be mindful of the newness of this body for Loki, and try to check in as well.
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Which then got shattered brutally by the revelation of his Jotun skin. His sense of worth is bound up in his divine providence now: god of liars, tricksters, mischief-makers, outcasts. Sower of chaos, which is sometimes good and sometimes terrible, but always leads to change.
At one time, not so long ago, sex workers were part of his providence as well, which means he picks up on that customer-service smile, and while it's okay--confident charm is endearing--he wants to clarify his own position, too. He reaches out and strokes along Finnick's jawline with the backs of his fingers, unmistakably gentle rather than cloyingly possessive.
"I know you can handle it. I'm impressed that you're being so kind about it, particularly since I didn't think I needed that." Didn't think he deserved it, is what he means, but there's not much difference between not-needing and not-deserving in Loki's head. "I like that."
"I'd like to kiss you. May I?"
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At the question, Finnick smiles and nods. He didn't expect Loki to like him so much, or to want to kiss him tonight, but kissing is as easy as breathing to him. Keeping their hands clasped, Finnick deftly moves around the table to sit next to Loki in the booth. He gently puts a hand on Loki's cheek to turn his face, and leans in to kiss his lips. Softly, slowly.
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