[Finnick looks at that conch shell just the same way Armin did, but it's a different shell - different color, size, shape; not so raw, not so ugly, not so sharp.
[Eren can see that glimmer of hope in Finnick's eyes, and it's too much like the way Armin looked when he held up that conch shell between his hands, trying to show Eren the beauty of the dream they'd realized; Eren turned away.]
No. [But, before Finnick can get too disappointed:] A different one. Not a conch.
You choose.
[Finnick isn't Armin. Eren doesn't want him to be.]
[Finnick frowns for just a moment, then gets excited again. He gets to choose- that's a better idea. More fun.]
Okay! Does it have to be a shell, or...?
[He's looking around already, carefully examining all his finds. Seaglass is Finnick's favourite, so he'll probably pick one of those pieces... Or maybe it should be something that represents Eren somehow, or something that reminds Finnick of him... Oh, decisions... He wishes he could just make Eren a piece of jewelry or art. Not just a simple object that was found; something he himself invested time and thought into. Unfortunately, that's not easy right now, but he promises himself someday he'll get some kind of prosthetic and figure out how he can do it.]
[Finnick and Eren agreed earlier that Finnick is a "dog person".
[That appears to be accurate. He may as well be wagging his tail right now.
[Finnick begins looking around before Eren can even answer his question. It's exceedingly charming. Eren wants to smile again. With Finnick's back turned, he can't be quite sure whether he has or not. The muscles in his face never move all that much, after all...]
I want you to choose.
I don't care what it is.
[It feels a bit silly - like they're playing some kind of game right now, Eren teasing Finnick toward finding the correct solution. He forces himself not to mind, not to question. He wants Finnick's token. He has the rope - spent hours upon hours upon hours tying and untying knots while he waited to see if Finnick would text first...
[He wants more too. His apartment may well be filled one day with sea glass. He pictures again that imaginary scene with Finnick and he on the beach, and Finnick finding something that he considers important. Eren can practically feel the object being pressed into his palm.]
[Finnick nods, his excitement tempering as he slows down to really pore over the options. He isn't thinking of this as a test, rather an opportunity to express how he feels about Eren. While Finnick's love language is certainly touch, if ocean-related gifts were a language, that would be a close second. There are other ways to show love than by touching, and he wants to focus on those, wants Eren not to doubt for a second Finnick's intentions.
Instead of thinking about Eren's potential preferences, he picks up each piece and remembers what beach he was on when he picked it up, what the weather was like, what his mood was, what he was thinking about at the time. He thinks about how hard seaglass can be to find, because you have to look very closely in order to discern it from the rocks, especially if it's white or brown, and especially if it's wet. That's what Eren is like; at first you think he's a rock, but if you squint, you see the small gleam of light reflecting off of it.
So seaglass it is. He chooses his prized piece and goes back to Eren.]
The most common colours of seaglass are brown, white, and green. That's because most glass bottles are manufactured in those colours. Blue is more rare, at least in my world. But red is the most rare and special, because it's said to only come from the lights of ships and lighthouses when they break and fall into the water.
[He holds up a small triangle of red glass, worn and smooth and porous from the sea.]
This one is so smooth, it must have been in there for a long time. Maybe a century. Maybe many centuries. Think about it. A ship 200 years ago sunk, one of the lights broke, and that glass rolled around, was swept up by currents, washed by waves, churned in the sand, probably travelled hundreds of miles... To end up at my feet, on the beach, on a day I just so happened to take a look. It's such a rare coincidence that it feels like magic.
It's kind of like how, across the universe, or millions, trillions of universes, after being churned out by our own unique seas, we both ended up here, on this beach, meeting each other. That chance, I would say, is even smaller than finding red.
[Plus, it was cloudy and rainy on the day he found this, which made it harder to see. Like how he and Eren were both steeped in misery when they met, wearing their masks, unable to tell if the other was a common rock or a dazzling piece of glass.
He smiles, holds it out in offering.]
Any beach comber knows that if you find blue or red you never let it go. But I'll make an exception. Just because I know you'll keep it safe.
[Eren hadn't ever heard of sea glass before now; Finnick's explanation is certainly an introduction. He makes something as simple as a rounded piece of trash sound like the most profound thing in the universe; with Finnick explaining, Eren almost believes it.
[Then Finnick starts talking about magic, happenstance, and Them - as rare and precious as red seaglass, broken so long ago from what it once was, then made into something...
[Beautiful. Eren takes the smoothed glass into his hand, fingers running delicately over it, as if Eren's touch at all would cause it to shatter. Oddly enough, though, this "glass" doesn't seem at all prone to breaking.
[What exactly is Finnick letting go of? Eren feels more tethered than ever. He forgets to steel his face as he watches the glass, turning it over now between his hands. He looks...somewhere between puzzled and sad, but it's a gentle expression all the same, somehow.
[When did this happen? How did this happen? Is this what Finnick thinks of Eren? Something broken, then made beautiful over time? He couldn't be more wrong...
[In some ways, Eren is more honest with Finnick than he is with anyone; in other ways, he's never been more of a liar.
[His voice comes out quiet. He's still looking at the glass.]
I've become important to you. [He almost says it like he's sorry.]
[Eren doesn't scoff, or act like Finnick is just some corny dumbass, which is a relief, because he sort of is a corny dumbass, so that reaction would be kind of fair.
He looks like he understands the weight of the gift, or is at least trying to. Quietly, gently, he answers:]
Of course you have. You're special, and rare, and I found you despite all odds.
[He pokes the glass, making the connection solid that the red piece represents Eren, in case it wasn't totally clear.]
[Eren hasn't wanted to be special for a long time. When Shadis told him that story about Eren's parents, he walked away feeling different; in ways, better, and in other ways, worse. He learned the truth of the future shortly after that. He'd never wanted to be less special, less rare, less seen...
[Finnick's final words give Eren pause, and God he wants to laugh, or at least smile - this cheeky little shit, grinning, winking, calling him pretty like Eren's some girl in Finnick's Cadet Corps...
[He settles for pointedly closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, clearly affected by the comment in a way that he hopes conveys at least some vague amusement.
[He puts the seaglass in his pocket.
[If there were any doubts about his affections after all that, he decides to put them to rest. He takes Finnick's knuckles and brings them to his lips again just briefly; after that, a kiss to that lips - slow, warm, weighted - all of the affection and longing and pitiful loneliness that he's been holding in since the last time they were alone like this...
[He'll have to get Finnick something too. He's never been all that good at gifts.]
[Maybe Finnick will never make Eren Jaeger laugh. Maybe it isn't even possible. But he's never going to stop trying, not in a million years. When he truly wants something, Finnick Odair is one persistent little shit.
The kiss he's been craving for hours-- No, days-- relaxes him immediately. He closes his eyes and smiles into it, accepting this as Eren's way of saying how he feels- about the gift, about Finnick. His hand finds Eren's waist, gently pulling him a little closer. It's slow, deep, long. It feels meaningful. He could live in it forever.]
[Eren's entire body sighs. It's relief. He cups Finnick's face with one hand, the other wrapping strongly around his back. Eren's not as shy as he was a few nights ago; not now that he knows what he's been missing out on. The kiss isn't "hungry" in that it's a lustful thing, but it is certainly reaching, reaching, reaching for more, just...the sort of more that makes Finnick talk about seaglass, not the sort that takes him to bed; that's all.
[It takes an awfully long time for Eren to break away. Once he does, he's breathless, and then he's kissing Finnick again, again, again...
[His mind feels blank and clear. There's only this sensation - Finnick's lips, warm on his; Finnick's seaglass, warm in his pocket. Eren doesn't take it anywhere beyond a kiss, but if Finnick wants him to lead, then he'll also have to be the one to break the silence first. This is why he kisses Finnick's knuckles on the beach. He couldn't pull himself away if he tried.]
[He feels Eren relax, feels his hands on Finnick's face and body, feels the need in his movements, though it seems like more of a need for closeness rather than anything sexual.
The way the kiss affects Eren, the way Finnick is now practically being smothered with his affection; it's what he needed. Proof that this dead-eyed man was actually affected by anything Finnick ever did or said. That the night they shared isn't going to be forgotten or ignored. Rather, it'll stretch out into many nights to come, hopefully.
He laughs very gently at how clingy Eren becomes.]
You're cute. C'mon.
[He leads him by the hand to his bedroom, lying next to him in bed with no intention of doing anything but pulling him as close as possible. He tangles himself into Eren just like they did last time. They continue to kiss, and kiss, and kiss. Instead of turning into heat and urgency, though, it makes Finnick relaxed and sleepy, until his kisses begin to weaken and space out, his breathing slowing.]
[Finnick calls Eren cute, and his brows sharply point down in a glare, but it's a bewildered expression more than anything. He's taken by the hand and led toward the bedroom before he can form some type of response, because how the hell is he supposed to respond to something like that? He's not cute, actually. Finnick can be a real idiot sometimes...
[His face is obnoxiously warm.
[The sin is quickly forgotten. Eren and Finnick are intertwined with each other once again. Eren's grateful for the kissing, if only because it means he doesn't have to try forming words when his brain is already at its absolute limit for Finnick's romantic charisma. He feels totally out of his element, here...
[So, they kiss until it doesn't matter. They kiss until Eren forgets entirely to question it. His mind is blank. His chest is warm. His fingers run trails up and down Finnick's spine, flatten out over his shoulder blades, curl around the fabric of his shirt; this, too, is more Chastity than Lust. He just wants to touch with as much of himself as he can at once. If he weren't so distracted, his mind would be reeling, and dangerously so. It's too much too fast, isn't it? It's too intense, too euphoric, too good for Eren to touch, but here they are, and he can't stop, won't stop, doesn't want to, doesn't want to...
[Their kisses slow, their breaths slow, their heartbeats slow. Eren doesn't know how long they've been lying here. The realization dawns on him that he's tired, and that soon he'll be able to sleep. He wonders how Finnick did sleeping alone the last few nights. Eren didn't sleep at all.
[They have to stop kissing eventually. Eren pulls away, fearing that the world will finally come crashing down; it didn't the first night they spent together. He watches Finnick with searching green eyes; just as with the first time they touched like this, they don't look so dull as they usually do...
[What can he say? It feels he should say something.
[Maybe not. Maybe it's better that things are kept silent. Maybe Finnick will say something instead. He can't be sure. He doesn't really care. He's watching Finnick's eyes. He doesn't feel any urgency for that to end.
[Eventually, all he manages to breathe, embarrassingly, is:] Hey...
[Eren clearly hates being called cute, and Finnick doesn't care. Just another way he can annoy him, he notes to himself.
Finnick purposely lays on his right side so that his good arm is on top, free to rub Eren's back, caress his shoulders and sides, soothe him with gentle movements. He wants the other man to feel safe with him, and that's what comes across in each touch, rather than any sexual intent.
As the kisses and warmth soothe Finnick, his eyelids become heavier and fall shut, and it takes a moment after the kisses stop for him to feel Eren's stare. He blinks his eyes open to look at Eren's intent expression, similar to the other night. Finally, at his breathy greeting, Finnick smiles knowingly and gives his own, stroking his cheek and his hair.]
Hey. How you doing?
[Eren says so little, it's impossible to ever know exactly what's going on in his head. It worries Finnick a bit, that Eren might not tell him if something was wrong. He knows he won't get a straight answer now, considering he never has gotten one to such a question in the past, but he still has to ask.]
[Finnick loves to ask questions that Eren can't quite answer; it's terribly loaded. Eren wonders if Finnick knows. Maybe he's trying to get under his skin - to decipher something that he thinks he sees, but can't quite figure out, or--
[Or...maybe he just wants to know how Eren's feeling. Unfortunately for Finnick, Eren's never been good at articulating that sort of thing. His stare endures as he tries to work through a response in his kiss-foggy mind.]
Tired. [An honest answer. He really doesn't like to lie to him; just tired of lying in general, maybe. He didn't used to be all too good at that either; maybe he still isn't.
[Can Finnick tell that he hasn't slept...?
[Has Finnick?
[Eren shifts where he lies.] Come here...[A murmur. He pushes himself up a couple of inches on the mattress, then guides Finnick's head to his chest. He can fall asleep to a heartbeat tonight; Eren's personal favorite.
[Finnick's been in charge of quite enough tonight (belatedly, Eren is realizing that his blond-haired companion had him completely wrapped around his finger with that wine errand). Eren rests a hand over the nape of Finnick's neck, the other resting on the man's hip.]
I ought to tell you what it means...[Another murmur. Eren's curls more firmly around Finnick's nape.]
[Of course Finnick hasn't slept well, but that's not news since he never does, so he doesn't mention it. As Eren says he's tired, he kisses his forehead. Finnick is tired too; he always is.
He allows himself to be laid on Eren's chest, to be held. It's such a gentle, intimate act for such an... Angry person. But his breathing is steady, his heart is thumping slowly in Finnick's ear, and his hands weigh him down gently. Finnick closes his eyes. He feels cared for.]
Mmm?
[Finnick's too tired and relaxed to really form words, so gives just this soft questioning hum to the cryptic words from Eren. His hand lays flat on Eren's stomach, rubbing slow circles on it with his palm.]
[Finnick's touch is both surprising and disarming, as it tends to be, though the location is new, and Eren feels his muscles twitch and jump. It feels nice. But he had something to say, and if he doesn't now, then he probably won't at all. He can't lose his nerve. The moment will slip away; he'll remember that he's not supposed to be so honest.
[Finnick sounds half-asleep. Maybe he won't be listening. Eren wouldn't mind. The idea makes it a little easier to continue, so he does.
The only way to kill a titan...[Eren's voice is soft - quiet, very quiet, as if Finnick really is sleeping, and he might wake him.] Is a cut...to the nape of the neck...
[The hand on Finnick's nape lifts up, and Eren trails a slow fingernail over just the right spot...]
One meter and ten centimeters deep. [The nail traces back over Finnick's nape.] Even cutting off their head won't work, but this spot...is vulnerable.
[Eren's hand flattens out again. His palm cups the area once again, resting heavily.]
This is true for titan shifters, as well...
Even like this, I can feel it in my body. [He takes Finnick's hand, silently apologetic for disturbing his comfort. He guides it to the nape of his own neck, trying to fold it over the vulnerable spot.]
It's an instinct. When there's danger, we protect the nape...
[Does Finnick understand? Eren's hand presses down heavier, though not oppressive; gentle, protective - his palm covers the whole surface.
[Finnick knows sea glass. This is what Eren has to offer...
[Though he's drifting a little, his ears are trained to pick up on the quietest of sounds, even asleep. Eren's heart thumps solidly in one ear, his soft voice tickling the other.
The content of his words brings Finnick back to alertness. It isn't sweet nothings. That gentle voice that sounds so strange coming from Eren's mouth tells him of his one fatal weakness. A deep secret that's likely terrifying and unwise to reveal to anyone, especially for someone as guarded as Eren.
Then, an almost inaudible pledge of protection.
With the way Eren reacted to Finnick's death and return so callously, he'd thought maybe... Eren didn't give a shit about what happened to him. Death and injury don't seem to be things that bother or scare Eren, which makes sense if you're used to it, so Finnick assumed his own death and the loss of his arm was something he was able to brush off easily.
That's why this conviction takes him so off-guard, and there's silence for a few moments.
He could decide not to react. To pretend he's actually fallen asleep, so that Eren wouldn't feel scared or regretful about revealing all of this.
But protection, survival, fatal weaknesses, none of it is anything Finnick takes lightly. Especially since they have no idea what could happen in either arena; the amplitheater or the city. And if Eren is going to reveal something so vulnerable, Finnick isn't going to leave him hanging and wondering whether he even heard it.
He presses his hand gently into the back of Eren's neck, using it as leverage to pull himself up off his chest so he can face him, look him in the eyes. He then spreads his hand more evenly over Eren's nape, ensuring it's covered fully, and applies even, soft pressure. He wants Eren to feel safe. He wonders if either of them have ever felt safe in their lives. It might not even be possible for people like them. But just like with Eren's laugh, he's not going to let that impossibility stop him from trying, not ever.]
I won't see you hurt either.
[He kisses Eren firmly to seal his promise, to let him know he understands the seriousness of this, the trust he's gone on a limb to put in Finnick. He looks into his green eyes again.]
Thank you for telling me.
[Not only will this be crucial to know if he needs to protect Eren and keep him alive, but it's also integral to his ability to help Eren feel as secure as he can. Now Finnick knows where to put his hands to offer Eren a little bit of comfort, and that information is as pure as gold to him.]
[It's true that Eren has just given Finnick something precious. It would be difficult to express to his companion just how intimate that information is coming from a titan shifter. Finnick seems to understand regardless. He protects Eren with his hand, and Eren protects Finnick with his; it's a silent promise.
[Things like this happen quickly for Eren. That's always been the case. It's why he rebelled so strongly against giving Finnick anything when they first met. Once he cares about someone, it's not a matter of accepting or rejecting it; it just is.
[He's here, and they're not, and Finnick is, and he's so, so tired of being alone. He doesn't feel happy, he doesn't feel safe; he never has, never can. He still wants Finnick close to him. He needs it. They haven't even fallen asleep yet, and already he's wondering when he'll be kicked out tomorrow, or if he'll end up sleeping in this bed again...
[He thinks again of the Paths. If he could make it so that nothing in the world existed other than this bed, and this boy, then he would, he would, he would.
[Maybe one day. Somehow.]
Sleep. [He kisses the top of Finnick's head. It's an exceptionally affectionate gesture, seemingly unfitting; but that's just what Finnick brings out in Eren.
[He's not sure how it happened, and it might be the worst possible thing that could have, but despite it all, Eren trusts Finnick, who picked him like red sea glass.]
[Maybe he should feel guilty, getting so close to someone so soon after losing his wife. Part of him does. But... He's dead. There's no going back. The way he sees it, it's "misery loves company." He and Eren are stuck in similar situations, both grieving for what's back home, and finding comfort in each other, however temporary it might be.
The first time Finnick lost Annie, he went completely insane and was hospitalized. It's a miracle that all that transpired this time was worsened drinking habits, crying, and... Well, a good bit of despair. A few slips into thinking of ending things. But he's holding onto his sanity, and that's because of people like Eren, Sebastian, and Hythlodaeus, pulling him up from the darkness, reminding him who he is.
Finnick smiles at the sweet kiss to his head. Eren is really transforming before his eyes, and it's more than he ever expected.
He lowers himself back onto Eren's chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart again, but this time he keeps his hand at the nape of Eren's neck.
Finnick will do everything in his power to keep him safe at all times, even asleep.]
Goodnight... [He murmurs. He wants to call him something, but there's no term of endearment that fits yet, and Eren would probably hate it anyway. He lets Eren's radiating heat relax his muscles, sleep soon pulling him under. He doesn't even have a chance to wonder if there will be nightmares.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[It's not bleeding.
[Eren observes it for a few long moments.]
It's different than the ones I've seen.
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[He tilts his head, looking at Eren curiously.]
Why'd you want to see a conch in particular?
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[Not a lie:] It's the first sort I ever saw.
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Well, that's significant. You want this one?
[Finnick raises it up a little more, looking at his face hopefully. It's clear Eren's answer to this will matter to him a lot.]
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No. [But, before Finnick can get too disappointed:] A different one. Not a conch.
You choose.
[Finnick isn't Armin. Eren doesn't want him to be.]
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Okay! Does it have to be a shell, or...?
[He's looking around already, carefully examining all his finds. Seaglass is Finnick's favourite, so he'll probably pick one of those pieces... Or maybe it should be something that represents Eren somehow, or something that reminds Finnick of him... Oh, decisions... He wishes he could just make Eren a piece of jewelry or art. Not just a simple object that was found; something he himself invested time and thought into. Unfortunately, that's not easy right now, but he promises himself someday he'll get some kind of prosthetic and figure out how he can do it.]
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[That appears to be accurate. He may as well be wagging his tail right now.
[Finnick begins looking around before Eren can even answer his question. It's exceedingly charming. Eren wants to smile again. With Finnick's back turned, he can't be quite sure whether he has or not. The muscles in his face never move all that much, after all...]
I want you to choose.
I don't care what it is.
[It feels a bit silly - like they're playing some kind of game right now, Eren teasing Finnick toward finding the correct solution. He forces himself not to mind, not to question. He wants Finnick's token. He has the rope - spent hours upon hours upon hours tying and untying knots while he waited to see if Finnick would text first...
[He wants more too. His apartment may well be filled one day with sea glass. He pictures again that imaginary scene with Finnick and he on the beach, and Finnick finding something that he considers important. Eren can practically feel the object being pressed into his palm.]
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Instead of thinking about Eren's potential preferences, he picks up each piece and remembers what beach he was on when he picked it up, what the weather was like, what his mood was, what he was thinking about at the time. He thinks about how hard seaglass can be to find, because you have to look very closely in order to discern it from the rocks, especially if it's white or brown, and especially if it's wet. That's what Eren is like; at first you think he's a rock, but if you squint, you see the small gleam of light reflecting off of it.
So seaglass it is. He chooses his prized piece and goes back to Eren.]
The most common colours of seaglass are brown, white, and green. That's because most glass bottles are manufactured in those colours. Blue is more rare, at least in my world. But red is the most rare and special, because it's said to only come from the lights of ships and lighthouses when they break and fall into the water.
[He holds up a small triangle of red glass, worn and smooth and porous from the sea.]
This one is so smooth, it must have been in there for a long time. Maybe a century. Maybe many centuries. Think about it. A ship 200 years ago sunk, one of the lights broke, and that glass rolled around, was swept up by currents, washed by waves, churned in the sand, probably travelled hundreds of miles... To end up at my feet, on the beach, on a day I just so happened to take a look. It's such a rare coincidence that it feels like magic.
It's kind of like how, across the universe, or millions, trillions of universes, after being churned out by our own unique seas, we both ended up here, on this beach, meeting each other. That chance, I would say, is even smaller than finding red.
[Plus, it was cloudy and rainy on the day he found this, which made it harder to see. Like how he and Eren were both steeped in misery when they met, wearing their masks, unable to tell if the other was a common rock or a dazzling piece of glass.
He smiles, holds it out in offering.]
Any beach comber knows that if you find blue or red you never let it go. But I'll make an exception. Just because I know you'll keep it safe.
[He winks.]
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[Then Finnick starts talking about magic, happenstance, and Them - as rare and precious as red seaglass, broken so long ago from what it once was, then made into something...
[Beautiful. Eren takes the smoothed glass into his hand, fingers running delicately over it, as if Eren's touch at all would cause it to shatter. Oddly enough, though, this "glass" doesn't seem at all prone to breaking.
[What exactly is Finnick letting go of? Eren feels more tethered than ever. He forgets to steel his face as he watches the glass, turning it over now between his hands. He looks...somewhere between puzzled and sad, but it's a gentle expression all the same, somehow.
[When did this happen? How did this happen? Is this what Finnick thinks of Eren? Something broken, then made beautiful over time? He couldn't be more wrong...
[In some ways, Eren is more honest with Finnick than he is with anyone; in other ways, he's never been more of a liar.
[His voice comes out quiet. He's still looking at the glass.]
I've become important to you. [He almost says it like he's sorry.]
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He looks like he understands the weight of the gift, or is at least trying to. Quietly, gently, he answers:]
Of course you have. You're special, and rare, and I found you despite all odds.
[He pokes the glass, making the connection solid that the red piece represents Eren, in case it wasn't totally clear.]
Plus, you're pretty. Like the glass.
[A lopsided grin.]
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[Finnick's final words give Eren pause, and God he wants to laugh, or at least smile - this cheeky little shit, grinning, winking, calling him pretty like Eren's some girl in Finnick's Cadet Corps...
[He settles for pointedly closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, clearly affected by the comment in a way that he hopes conveys at least some vague amusement.
[He puts the seaglass in his pocket.
[If there were any doubts about his affections after all that, he decides to put them to rest. He takes Finnick's knuckles and brings them to his lips again just briefly; after that, a kiss to that lips - slow, warm, weighted - all of the affection and longing and pitiful loneliness that he's been holding in since the last time they were alone like this...
[He'll have to get Finnick something too. He's never been all that good at gifts.]
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The kiss he's been craving for hours-- No, days-- relaxes him immediately. He closes his eyes and smiles into it, accepting this as Eren's way of saying how he feels- about the gift, about Finnick. His hand finds Eren's waist, gently pulling him a little closer. It's slow, deep, long. It feels meaningful. He could live in it forever.]
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[Eren's entire body sighs. It's relief. He cups Finnick's face with one hand, the other wrapping strongly around his back. Eren's not as shy as he was a few nights ago; not now that he knows what he's been missing out on. The kiss isn't "hungry" in that it's a lustful thing, but it is certainly reaching, reaching, reaching for more, just...the sort of more that makes Finnick talk about seaglass, not the sort that takes him to bed; that's all.
[It takes an awfully long time for Eren to break away. Once he does, he's breathless, and then he's kissing Finnick again, again, again...
[His mind feels blank and clear. There's only this sensation - Finnick's lips, warm on his; Finnick's seaglass, warm in his pocket. Eren doesn't take it anywhere beyond a kiss, but if Finnick wants him to lead, then he'll also have to be the one to break the silence first. This is why he kisses Finnick's knuckles on the beach. He couldn't pull himself away if he tried.]
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The way the kiss affects Eren, the way Finnick is now practically being smothered with his affection; it's what he needed. Proof that this dead-eyed man was actually affected by anything Finnick ever did or said. That the night they shared isn't going to be forgotten or ignored. Rather, it'll stretch out into many nights to come, hopefully.
He laughs very gently at how clingy Eren becomes.]
You're cute. C'mon.
[He leads him by the hand to his bedroom, lying next to him in bed with no intention of doing anything but pulling him as close as possible. He tangles himself into Eren just like they did last time. They continue to kiss, and kiss, and kiss. Instead of turning into heat and urgency, though, it makes Finnick relaxed and sleepy, until his kisses begin to weaken and space out, his breathing slowing.]
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[His face is obnoxiously warm.
[The sin is quickly forgotten. Eren and Finnick are intertwined with each other once again. Eren's grateful for the kissing, if only because it means he doesn't have to try forming words when his brain is already at its absolute limit for Finnick's romantic charisma. He feels totally out of his element, here...
[So, they kiss until it doesn't matter. They kiss until Eren forgets entirely to question it. His mind is blank. His chest is warm. His fingers run trails up and down Finnick's spine, flatten out over his shoulder blades, curl around the fabric of his shirt; this, too, is more Chastity than Lust. He just wants to touch with as much of himself as he can at once. If he weren't so distracted, his mind would be reeling, and dangerously so. It's too much too fast, isn't it? It's too intense, too euphoric, too good for Eren to touch, but here they are, and he can't stop, won't stop, doesn't want to, doesn't want to...
[Their kisses slow, their breaths slow, their heartbeats slow. Eren doesn't know how long they've been lying here. The realization dawns on him that he's tired, and that soon he'll be able to sleep. He wonders how Finnick did sleeping alone the last few nights. Eren didn't sleep at all.
[They have to stop kissing eventually. Eren pulls away, fearing that the world will finally come crashing down; it didn't the first night they spent together. He watches Finnick with searching green eyes; just as with the first time they touched like this, they don't look so dull as they usually do...
[What can he say? It feels he should say something.
[Maybe not. Maybe it's better that things are kept silent. Maybe Finnick will say something instead. He can't be sure. He doesn't really care. He's watching Finnick's eyes. He doesn't feel any urgency for that to end.
[Eventually, all he manages to breathe, embarrassingly, is:] Hey...
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Finnick purposely lays on his right side so that his good arm is on top, free to rub Eren's back, caress his shoulders and sides, soothe him with gentle movements. He wants the other man to feel safe with him, and that's what comes across in each touch, rather than any sexual intent.
As the kisses and warmth soothe Finnick, his eyelids become heavier and fall shut, and it takes a moment after the kisses stop for him to feel Eren's stare. He blinks his eyes open to look at Eren's intent expression, similar to the other night. Finally, at his breathy greeting, Finnick smiles knowingly and gives his own, stroking his cheek and his hair.]
Hey. How you doing?
[Eren says so little, it's impossible to ever know exactly what's going on in his head. It worries Finnick a bit, that Eren might not tell him if something was wrong. He knows he won't get a straight answer now, considering he never has gotten one to such a question in the past, but he still has to ask.]
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[Or...maybe he just wants to know how Eren's feeling. Unfortunately for Finnick, Eren's never been good at articulating that sort of thing. His stare endures as he tries to work through a response in his kiss-foggy mind.]
Tired. [An honest answer. He really doesn't like to lie to him; just tired of lying in general, maybe. He didn't used to be all too good at that either; maybe he still isn't.
[Can Finnick tell that he hasn't slept...?
[Has Finnick?
[Eren shifts where he lies.] Come here...[A murmur. He pushes himself up a couple of inches on the mattress, then guides Finnick's head to his chest. He can fall asleep to a heartbeat tonight; Eren's personal favorite.
[Finnick's been in charge of quite enough tonight (belatedly, Eren is realizing that his blond-haired companion had him completely wrapped around his finger with that wine errand). Eren rests a hand over the nape of Finnick's neck, the other resting on the man's hip.]
I ought to tell you what it means...[Another murmur. Eren's curls more firmly around Finnick's nape.]
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He allows himself to be laid on Eren's chest, to be held. It's such a gentle, intimate act for such an... Angry person. But his breathing is steady, his heart is thumping slowly in Finnick's ear, and his hands weigh him down gently. Finnick closes his eyes. He feels cared for.]
Mmm?
[Finnick's too tired and relaxed to really form words, so gives just this soft questioning hum to the cryptic words from Eren. His hand lays flat on Eren's stomach, rubbing slow circles on it with his palm.]
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[Finnick sounds half-asleep. Maybe he won't be listening. Eren wouldn't mind. The idea makes it a little easier to continue, so he does.
The only way to kill a titan...[Eren's voice is soft - quiet, very quiet, as if Finnick really is sleeping, and he might wake him.] Is a cut...to the nape of the neck...
[The hand on Finnick's nape lifts up, and Eren trails a slow fingernail over just the right spot...]
One meter and ten centimeters deep. [The nail traces back over Finnick's nape.] Even cutting off their head won't work, but this spot...is vulnerable.
[Eren's hand flattens out again. His palm cups the area once again, resting heavily.]
This is true for titan shifters, as well...
Even like this, I can feel it in my body. [He takes Finnick's hand, silently apologetic for disturbing his comfort. He guides it to the nape of his own neck, trying to fold it over the vulnerable spot.]
It's an instinct. When there's danger, we protect the nape...
[Does Finnick understand? Eren's hand presses down heavier, though not oppressive; gentle, protective - his palm covers the whole surface.
[Finnick knows sea glass. This is what Eren has to offer...
[Now, very quiet, very quiet...]
I won't see you hurt again.
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The content of his words brings Finnick back to alertness. It isn't sweet nothings. That gentle voice that sounds so strange coming from Eren's mouth tells him of his one fatal weakness. A deep secret that's likely terrifying and unwise to reveal to anyone, especially for someone as guarded as Eren.
Then, an almost inaudible pledge of protection.
With the way Eren reacted to Finnick's death and return so callously, he'd thought maybe... Eren didn't give a shit about what happened to him. Death and injury don't seem to be things that bother or scare Eren, which makes sense if you're used to it, so Finnick assumed his own death and the loss of his arm was something he was able to brush off easily.
That's why this conviction takes him so off-guard, and there's silence for a few moments.
He could decide not to react. To pretend he's actually fallen asleep, so that Eren wouldn't feel scared or regretful about revealing all of this.
But protection, survival, fatal weaknesses, none of it is anything Finnick takes lightly. Especially since they have no idea what could happen in either arena; the amplitheater or the city. And if Eren is going to reveal something so vulnerable, Finnick isn't going to leave him hanging and wondering whether he even heard it.
He presses his hand gently into the back of Eren's neck, using it as leverage to pull himself up off his chest so he can face him, look him in the eyes. He then spreads his hand more evenly over Eren's nape, ensuring it's covered fully, and applies even, soft pressure. He wants Eren to feel safe. He wonders if either of them have ever felt safe in their lives. It might not even be possible for people like them. But just like with Eren's laugh, he's not going to let that impossibility stop him from trying, not ever.]
I won't see you hurt either.
[He kisses Eren firmly to seal his promise, to let him know he understands the seriousness of this, the trust he's gone on a limb to put in Finnick. He looks into his green eyes again.]
Thank you for telling me.
[Not only will this be crucial to know if he needs to protect Eren and keep him alive, but it's also integral to his ability to help Eren feel as secure as he can. Now Finnick knows where to put his hands to offer Eren a little bit of comfort, and that information is as pure as gold to him.]
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[Things like this happen quickly for Eren. That's always been the case. It's why he rebelled so strongly against giving Finnick anything when they first met. Once he cares about someone, it's not a matter of accepting or rejecting it; it just is.
[He's here, and they're not, and Finnick is, and he's so, so tired of being alone. He doesn't feel happy, he doesn't feel safe; he never has, never can. He still wants Finnick close to him. He needs it. They haven't even fallen asleep yet, and already he's wondering when he'll be kicked out tomorrow, or if he'll end up sleeping in this bed again...
[He thinks again of the Paths. If he could make it so that nothing in the world existed other than this bed, and this boy, then he would, he would, he would.
[Maybe one day. Somehow.]
Sleep. [He kisses the top of Finnick's head. It's an exceptionally affectionate gesture, seemingly unfitting; but that's just what Finnick brings out in Eren.
[He's not sure how it happened, and it might be the worst possible thing that could have, but despite it all, Eren trusts Finnick, who picked him like red sea glass.]
cw hospitalization,suicidal thoughts
The first time Finnick lost Annie, he went completely insane and was hospitalized. It's a miracle that all that transpired this time was worsened drinking habits, crying, and... Well, a good bit of despair. A few slips into thinking of ending things. But he's holding onto his sanity, and that's because of people like Eren, Sebastian, and Hythlodaeus, pulling him up from the darkness, reminding him who he is.
Finnick smiles at the sweet kiss to his head. Eren is really transforming before his eyes, and it's more than he ever expected.
He lowers himself back onto Eren's chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart again, but this time he keeps his hand at the nape of Eren's neck.
Finnick will do everything in his power to keep him safe at all times, even asleep.]
Goodnight... [He murmurs. He wants to call him something, but there's no term of endearment that fits yet, and Eren would probably hate it anyway. He lets Eren's radiating heat relax his muscles, sleep soon pulling him under. He doesn't even have a chance to wonder if there will be nightmares.]