[Eren feels like he's going fucking insane. He's already insane, and he knows that, but this feels different. He's had feelings for plenty of people throughout his life, and he's never been good at untangling what exactly they mean - much easier to just ignore them as best he can and go with the flow, but he hasn't been able to do that in a long time either, and he has no idea how to make of his loneliness being ripped wide open raw like this.
[Finnick has always reminded Eren of his dear friends and anything more in between; he misses them, and he thinks of them now, as he paces his apartment, but it isn't just that.
[He wants Finnick Odair right now. That's who. Not any of the memories he's clinging to. Those are always there. He is not, and Eren only wants to be close enough to touch him, even if it's only a brush of their hands.
[It's been a couple days since they woke up wrapped in each other. He hasn't reached out since Finnick left that afternoon, and he's the one who's supposed to be doing that sort of thing.
[His pride is fucking screaming. He has no idea what to say.]
Where did you pick up that wine the other day?
[Perfect. Yes. They'll just talk about wine. But Finnick doesn't answer right away, and that makes Eren bristle; pisses him off, honestly. How dare he not be just as desperate, just as wanting? Yeah, Eren knows that isn't fair, but now that he's put himself out there, it feels impossible to wait. He can't even make it thirty minutes before following up.]
Seems the bottle was thrown out, so I can't check the label.
[Finnick has always reminded Eren of his dear friends and anything more in between; he misses them, and he thinks of them now, as he paces his apartment, but it isn't just that.
[He wants Finnick Odair right now. That's who. Not any of the memories he's clinging to. Those are always there. He is not, and Eren only wants to be close enough to touch him, even if it's only a brush of their hands.
[It's been a couple days since they woke up wrapped in each other. He hasn't reached out since Finnick left that afternoon, and he's the one who's supposed to be doing that sort of thing.
[His pride is fucking screaming. He has no idea what to say.]
Where did you pick up that wine the other day?
[Perfect. Yes. They'll just talk about wine. But Finnick doesn't answer right away, and that makes Eren bristle; pisses him off, honestly. How dare he not be just as desperate, just as wanting? Yeah, Eren knows that isn't fair, but now that he's put himself out there, it feels impossible to wait. He can't even make it thirty minutes before following up.]
Seems the bottle was thrown out, so I can't check the label.
[Leaving Eren's apartment after making them a very late breakfast (okay, it was lunch, or maybe even supper), he felt like he'd just been sucked into an alternate universe for the second (third, fourth, fifth?) time. A universe where Eren was capable of caring and even being affectionate. It made the world feel kind of upside-down.
He decides to do his own thing, the things he usually does to feel normal and like himself. Swimming, running, making bread, collecting shit on the beach. He gives Eren space, since he knows he nearly scared him off. He'd told Eren to take the lead, so Finnick will let him decide how often and on what terms they talk, for a while. He wouldn't want to rush and smother him.
Besides, he's curious how long it will take Eren to break and text him first. Or if he'll just ignore Finnick entirely. Especially once a couple of days pass with no word, he figures Eren is trying to put space between them, so maybe he ought to try to move on from the incident. He knows Eren cares, but maybe he doesn't want anything to come of the night they shared, after all. And that's... Fine. He tries not to let it bother him, but it does anyway.
But as he emerges from the lake and dries off, he checks his device, and there is not one, but two messages from Eren. Spaced 20-something minutes apart, but both about the same subject. There's no way he was thinking about that wine for more than 20 minutes, so he must've been thinking... About Finnick. He smiles to himself.]
Hey. It was from a little liquor shop in my district. All I remember is it had a dog on the label. That's honestly why I bought it
He decides to do his own thing, the things he usually does to feel normal and like himself. Swimming, running, making bread, collecting shit on the beach. He gives Eren space, since he knows he nearly scared him off. He'd told Eren to take the lead, so Finnick will let him decide how often and on what terms they talk, for a while. He wouldn't want to rush and smother him.
Besides, he's curious how long it will take Eren to break and text him first. Or if he'll just ignore Finnick entirely. Especially once a couple of days pass with no word, he figures Eren is trying to put space between them, so maybe he ought to try to move on from the incident. He knows Eren cares, but maybe he doesn't want anything to come of the night they shared, after all. And that's... Fine. He tries not to let it bother him, but it does anyway.
But as he emerges from the lake and dries off, he checks his device, and there is not one, but two messages from Eren. Spaced 20-something minutes apart, but both about the same subject. There's no way he was thinking about that wine for more than 20 minutes, so he must've been thinking... About Finnick. He smiles to himself.]
Hey. It was from a little liquor shop in my district. All I remember is it had a dog on the label. That's honestly why I bought it
Edited (format) 2024-04-27 02:05 (UTC)
[Eren doesn't realize he's been caught. That's a kindness on Finnick's part. He breathes a sigh of relief just seeing "odaring" pop up on his device, and that's...honestly more than a bit humiliating. At least he's alone (he doesn't want to be alone).]
Dog person, are you? I hear people tend to prefer one over the other.
[The other being cats, but he...figures that's a given? He's never personally had a preference, but he's not exactly fond of animals by default (or people he considers to be animals!).]
Dog person, are you? I hear people tend to prefer one over the other.
[The other being cats, but he...figures that's a given? He's never personally had a preference, but he's not exactly fond of animals by default (or people he considers to be animals!).]
[He is happy to hear from him, and in his mind, this conversation is perfectly casual; he doesn't have to betray anything deeper yet, and he's grateful for that. He doesn't assume that Finnick is playing along or anything like that. He truly has no idea he's been assessed so accurately in this.]
I never had pets. I spent more time around horses than anything.
I never had pets. I spent more time around horses than anything.
Yes. We didn't have motor vehicles where I grew up. Horses were used for everything, though the Survey Corps' were specially bred. They didn't fear titans in the slightest.
[Okay, so maybe he has a favorite animal! The sort you can use to effectively kill things!]
[Okay, so maybe he has a favorite animal! The sort you can use to effectively kill things!]
An entire fleet of them.
It's rumored they're worth the value of an average citizen's lifetime income.
It's rumored they're worth the value of an average citizen's lifetime income.
Not at all. Compared to the rest of Paradis' military, the Survey Corps was extremely small. Most people figured that choosing that regiment was as good as suicide.
Honestly, they weren't wrong.
Honestly, they weren't wrong.
no need to watch past 1:21 (or at all) cw: really fucked up death/grief shit if you do watch past
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
abandonhumanity
2024-04-27 03:50 am (UTC)(link)
For the most part, yes. The Military Police were in charge of petty crimes within the walls, and the Garrison Regiment patrolled the perimeters, but titans tall enough to be a threat were rare until the wall was first breached. Even after that, the majority of the titans were outside of the secured walls. That was the Survey Corps' territory.
[Eren remembers being a child and watching the Scouts return from their expeditions whenever they'd pass through Shiganshina. He wanted to desperately to be one, even as he watched them march in, bloodied, defeated. They were the bravest people he could imagine. They were making a difference. They were saving the world.
[Will they still?]
[Eren remembers being a child and watching the Scouts return from their expeditions whenever they'd pass through Shiganshina. He wanted to desperately to be one, even as he watched them march in, bloodied, defeated. They were the bravest people he could imagine. They were making a difference. They were saving the world.
[Will they still?]
I was in the Scout Regiment. The nature of my rank was unique.
I was primarily utilized for my titan. [Ain't that puttin' it fuckin' lightly!]
I was primarily utilized for my titan. [Ain't that puttin' it fuckin' lightly!]
[Oh. He made that a bit confusing, he realizes.]
Sorry.
The Scout Regiment is specifically the division of the Survey Corps that ventured outside of the walls into titan territory.
Other divisions of the Survey Corps oversaw things like logistics, caring for the horses. Things like that.
[Here he is, just casually talking about his career like defecting wasn't the most difficult thing he'd ever had to do - like he was ripping 80% of his own life away. He doesn't feel perturbed, though. Talking to Finnick feels alright. He's just contented to see "odaring" keep appearing in his notifications.
[He took a seat on the couch instead of pacing a few minutes ago and didn't even notice.]
Sorry.
The Scout Regiment is specifically the division of the Survey Corps that ventured outside of the walls into titan territory.
Other divisions of the Survey Corps oversaw things like logistics, caring for the horses. Things like that.
[Here he is, just casually talking about his career like defecting wasn't the most difficult thing he'd ever had to do - like he was ripping 80% of his own life away. He doesn't feel perturbed, though. Talking to Finnick feels alright. He's just contented to see "odaring" keep appearing in his notifications.
[He took a seat on the couch instead of pacing a few minutes ago and didn't even notice.]
How did what feel?
Fighting? Transforming?
[Being a human weapon from the age of fifteen?]
Fighting? Transforming?
[Being a human weapon from the age of fifteen?]
Edited 2024-04-27 04:41 (UTC)
[...
[Huh. What a question.
[Even to this day, Eren doesn't tend to think of it that way; he also can't deny it. It's disquieting.]
I was proud to be.
[Used, a Scout, a monster, special.
[The void aches like an open wound.]
[Huh. What a question.
[Even to this day, Eren doesn't tend to think of it that way; he also can't deny it. It's disquieting.]
I was proud to be.
[Used, a Scout, a monster, special.
[The void aches like an open wound.]
Edited 2024-04-27 04:48 (UTC)
[It feels...like an oddly intimate confession somehow, even though it's not exactly a secret:]
I'd wanted to be a Scout since I was a child.
[Not...much more needs to be said than that, he figures. It feels self-explanatory.
[Perhaps this:] I don't regret it.
[Even given everything, it's true (after all, he never could have gotten where he is now without...)]
I'd wanted to be a Scout since I was a child.
[Not...much more needs to be said than that, he figures. It feels self-explanatory.
[Perhaps this:] I don't regret it.
[Even given everything, it's true (after all, he never could have gotten where he is now without...)]
[Eren feels...entirely stunned by that answer. It's probably untrue if you're looking at things from an objective standpoint, but it makes Eren feel...
[Is "heard" the right word?
[Let him make up his own mind for once about whether or not it was his, hers, or someone's else's fault that he turned out the way he did.
[It's only ever been his. There's some freedom to that. For a while, he got to be what he wanted to be; he got to believe he was that sort of person.]
I'll pay you if you bring some of that wine to me.
[Fuck the damn wine...]
No rush. [Get your ass over here.]
[Is "heard" the right word?
[Let him make up his own mind for once about whether or not it was his, hers, or someone's else's fault that he turned out the way he did.
[It's only ever been his. There's some freedom to that. For a while, he got to be what he wanted to be; he got to believe he was that sort of person.]
I'll pay you if you bring some of that wine to me.
[Fuck the damn wine...]
No rush. [Get your ass over here.]
Page 1 of 11