[ He says it too quickly and too sharply, looking away from those molten chocolate eyes staring at him with such softness. It's unfair, how Maruki can do that, bring things out of him so easily with just a look. He can still feel the warm hand, and it's affecting him more than he wants it to.
He presses his lips together to keep them from trembling, but his eyes tear up anyway. ]
Everyone just can't wait to leave.
[ And leave him behind. His voice sounds screwed up from his throat being so tight. He needs to fidget, so he moves his hand from under Maruki's to get his length of rope from his pocket. He stares down at it as he rubs it between his fingers. ]
[ Maruki watches him carefully, takes those words in. The unspoken weight of them. He does truly believe what he said – Finnick is a free man in a way that many of them are not – but there's such a deep grief to it, too. Being ripped away from all that you knew and loved twice: First by death, then by whatever manipulations brought them all here.
And then having to watch as people you care about try to leave.
His next apology is weightier than the last. ]
I apologize for how insensitive my comments were. I wasn't thinking as compassionately as I should have been.
[ Maruki watches him fiddle with the rope, moves his hand to rest easily between Finnick's shoulder blades. A comforting touch that doesn't push for anything more. ]
Your fears here are valid. I know it can't be easy to hear people talk the way they do– well, the way that I just did.
[ If you asked Finnick what he wants most in life, he would say freedom. But it wouldn't be true. He cares about his people, his chosen family, more than anything. If he cared more about freedom than Annie or Mags, they would both be dead, because he'd have refused President Snow's orders to sleep with Capitolites. Instead, he kept himself in line for a decade to protect them.
Maruki's words make the tears drip down. He wipes them quickly. Still staring at the rope, fidgeting mercilessly. ]
It's fine.
[ You won't be abandoned. He didn't think he was so afraid of something like that. He's Finnick Odair, he's the one who leaves! Not the one who's left! Except... When his parents signed him up to be a Career, to train and volunteer to die in the arena. When Annie's madness took her from him, then when she was taken to the Capitol. When Mags walked into the fog. None of them were meaning to abandon him, but that was still the result. And it hurt. It still hurts. ]
[ Maruki can't help himself. Before he was anything else – a researcher, a counselor, a reality bending god-lite ha ha oops – he was an empath. Still is. Someone else's pain when expressed to him becomes his own, and seeing someone cry twists his heart like nothing else.
He runs his hand slow and soothing up and down Finnick's spine, as if he could draw that pain out by touch alone. ]
No, I don't know that. But I believe it.
[ And the things he believes have a way of coming true. ]
You can tell me it's bullshit if you want, but our beliefs can shape our futures. So if you won't believe it for yourself just yet, I'll do it enough for you.
People care about you. They won't leave you.
Edited 2024-06-10 18:18 (UTC)
bo, how are you gonna dig the show out of this weird hole
[ Finnick nods, wipes his eyes again. He knows people care about him. He knows that. Just sometimes he gives too much away and he forgets to ask for anything in return, or it's too hard to. He never wants to make a fuss about his own wants or needs, which is probably why he bottles it up and then ends up crying whenever he drinks with someone. ]
Okay. Thanks, Doc. I believe you.
[ He nods again, still looking down, avoiding Maruki's gaze. If he looks at him, he might fall apart completely, and he's trying very hard not to do that. Ten times longer to put yourself back together, et cetera.
He breathes in deeply through his nose. ]
Sorry, I always fucking do this. I cry way too easily.
[ Pathetic! He exhales, shaking his head, leaning back in his chair, reaching for the beer, trying to reset himself. ]
The noodles were great. Did I say that?
[ He says it dryly, casually, gesturing to the empty bowl as though nothing just happened, finally glancing at Maruki with a small smile. ]
I'm really glad you enjoyed them. Next time, show me how to cook something from your home.
[ He pats Finnick's back a couple times, then gives his hair a fond ruffle before getting up to collect their bowls and swing back into the kitchen, talking as he goes. ]
It's good to cry. It's healthy. I cry a lot too, so you don't have to worry about that around me.
[ It's said without any judgment for either of them, just simply stated fact. People cry! That's an okay thing!!
Maruki grins at him from where he's cleaning up the remaining scraps and piling everything into the sink to be dealt with later. ]
That said, I hate to see it during what was supposed to be a get together for me to thank you for your party. So what can I do now to cheer you up?
Sure. I'll teach you how to make my district's bread if you can get more of that kelp.
[He smiles at the fond touches.]
You do? Hm. That does make me feel better.
[While Maruki certainly doesn't seem to have it all together, he does seem like a Momo type, who would rather focus on the feelings of others than his own. It's good to know that he does cry.
At his question, a mischievous smile appears on Finnick's face, and for a moment he considers flirting. Then he decides against it and tries to wipe the look from his face.]
Hm... Oh, I don't know. Whatever you want to do. I just like hanging out with you. It's me who's bringing the mood down, not you. Am I allowed help you clean up?
[ Maruki gives him a wry, curious little look from where he's half-cleaning. He isn't about to do the dishes while Finnick is here, but he can at least tidy up the worst of the mess he made so that there's less to deal with later. ]
First of all, if you'll recall, I threw the mood off first by telling you a truly thoughtless story. So you'll have to accept my apology, as well as my insistence that you don't help.
[ He's nearly done after that little monologue, anyway.
Suddenly aware that he kept the apron on for their whole meal, he laughs at himself as he removes it and drapes it over the now-cleared counter. ]
And secondly – you like just hanging out with me that much? Really?
[ It's a genuine question, and a shy one at that. So much for that daddy energy you're trying to get from him, Finnick. ]
[Finnick's now leaning back in his chair with his hand in his pocket, still on the rope but no longer fidgety. He seems relaxed now, a product of the beer and the food and a good little cry.
He tilts his head to the side and gazes at Maruki, as though appraising him, but he does nothing to hide the deep, warm fondness in his expression.]
Why does that surprise you? You're kind, incredibly easy to talk to, smart, and adorable as hell.
[Of course, this could be taken as Finnick laying it on thick, trying to make another pass at Maruki. But his tone is warm and sincere, not at all the low seductive purr he takes on when he's trying to make a move. His sea-blue eyes, too, are bright from his smile rather than guarded and hungry.
No, Maruki decidedly isn't displaying any kind of daddy energy, he's just "dad", if anything. But that's what Finnick likes about it. He finds Maruki's shy awkwardness, his "bumbling" as he put it, so sweet and endearing, especially alongside the empathy he clearly possesses.]
[ It doesn't feel like Finnick's usual flirtation, but perhaps that's worse. It feels genuinely sincere in a way Maruki isn't sure how to handle. He beams his earnestness onto people every day, but when it's returned to him he fumbles somewhat, and it's evident in how his cheeks start to go a little pink. ]
That's all very kind of you to say, Finnick. I suppose it only surprises me because, well–
[ He's lost now without anything to do with his hands. He shouldn't drink more, but he'd like a bottle to roll between his palms. He's too far from Finnick to distract himself by giving him a comforting hand on a shoulder or through his hair. He has nothing left to clean unless he really wants to start digging into his dishes, which he doesn't. For a moment his hands flex uselessly in the air before him, then wind together as he runs one thumb hard along the line of his knuckles. ]
All of those people at your party! It seems like you know half of any given district. And they adore you. You could be having a much more exciting night with anyone, and you've chosen to hang out with possibly the most boring, regular man in all of 7.
[ A nervous, fleeting smile, self-deprecating but bright. ]
So forgive me for being surprised. Hah. Anyway, we could just chat for a bit longer, if you'd like...
[ Dude, do you think HE knows what to do now? HE DOESN'T. HELP. ]
A boring, regular man who offered to cook me something from my home. WHo didn't let me help cook or clean, probably because he knows I'm too charitable. Who didn't judge me for crying at his dinner table. Who wanted to help me with my crazy idea of starting a youth shelter. Who remained my friend even after I made a terribly-timed, inappropriate advance. Who tolerates my horrible jokes and flirting and listens to me gush about my boyfriend. Who listens to anything I have to say, frankly, and takes me seriously.
[In true bisexual fashion, he leans in his chair in the most precarious way, propping his arm over the back of it as he finishes his beer, bringing his foot up onto the seat of the chair Maruki had been sitting on.]
I know lots of people, yeah. I like most people. Most people like me. That doesn't mean I can't have favourites. I don't let just anyone into my inner circle. They have to earn my trust. And you're not quite there yet, but I'm here with you in your apartment because I want you to get there.
[He shrugs. He could go on about chosen family and his willingness to die for them, too, but he doesn't want to freak Maruki out. He's already made the mistake of coming on too strong with Maruki, and he won't risk upsetting him like that again. Though, maybe he already has, with this little speech.]
Of course, if you'd rather just be friendly acquaintances who have dinner now and again, that's alright with me too. No matter how you choose to be in my life, my life will be better for it.
[He gives a small, warm smile. He'd never want Maruki to have the impression that Finnick only wants to fuck him.]
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no subject
[ He says it too quickly and too sharply, looking away from those molten chocolate eyes staring at him with such softness. It's unfair, how Maruki can do that, bring things out of him so easily with just a look. He can still feel the warm hand, and it's affecting him more than he wants it to.
He presses his lips together to keep them from trembling, but his eyes tear up anyway. ]
Everyone just can't wait to leave.
[ And leave him behind. His voice sounds screwed up from his throat being so tight. He needs to fidget, so he moves his hand from under Maruki's to get his length of rope from his pocket. He stares down at it as he rubs it between his fingers. ]
no subject
And then having to watch as people you care about try to leave.
His next apology is weightier than the last. ]
I apologize for how insensitive my comments were. I wasn't thinking as compassionately as I should have been.
[ Maruki watches him fiddle with the rope, moves his hand to rest easily between Finnick's shoulder blades. A comforting touch that doesn't push for anything more. ]
Your fears here are valid. I know it can't be easy to hear people talk the way they do– well, the way that I just did.
[ A beat, and then a sincere promise. ]
You won't be abandoned.
no subject
Maruki's words make the tears drip down. He wipes them quickly. Still staring at the rope, fidgeting mercilessly. ]
It's fine.
[ You won't be abandoned. He didn't think he was so afraid of something like that. He's Finnick Odair, he's the one who leaves! Not the one who's left! Except... When his parents signed him up to be a Career, to train and volunteer to die in the arena. When Annie's madness took her from him, then when she was taken to the Capitol. When Mags walked into the fog. None of them were meaning to abandon him, but that was still the result. And it hurt. It still hurts. ]
You don't know that.
no subject
He runs his hand slow and soothing up and down Finnick's spine, as if he could draw that pain out by touch alone. ]
No, I don't know that. But I believe it.
[ And the things he believes have a way of coming true. ]
You can tell me it's bullshit if you want, but our beliefs can shape our futures. So if you won't believe it for yourself just yet, I'll do it enough for you.
People care about you. They won't leave you.
bo, how are you gonna dig the show out of this weird hole
Okay. Thanks, Doc. I believe you.
[ He nods again, still looking down, avoiding Maruki's gaze. If he looks at him, he might fall apart completely, and he's trying very hard not to do that. Ten times longer to put yourself back together, et cetera.
He breathes in deeply through his nose. ]
Sorry, I always fucking do this. I cry way too easily.
[ Pathetic! He exhales, shaking his head, leaning back in his chair, reaching for the beer, trying to reset himself. ]
The noodles were great. Did I say that?
[ He says it dryly, casually, gesturing to the empty bowl as though nothing just happened, finally glancing at Maruki with a small smile. ]
great now i gotta rewatch that special
I'm really glad you enjoyed them. Next time, show me how to cook something from your home.
[ He pats Finnick's back a couple times, then gives his hair a fond ruffle before getting up to collect their bowls and swing back into the kitchen, talking as he goes. ]
It's good to cry. It's healthy. I cry a lot too, so you don't have to worry about that around me.
[ It's said without any judgment for either of them, just simply stated fact. People cry! That's an okay thing!!
Maruki grins at him from where he's cleaning up the remaining scraps and piling everything into the sink to be dealt with later. ]
That said, I hate to see it during what was supposed to be a get together for me to thank you for your party. So what can I do now to cheer you up?
GOOD. so do I
Sure. I'll teach you how to make my district's bread if you can get more of that kelp.
[He smiles at the fond touches.]
You do? Hm. That does make me feel better.
[While Maruki certainly doesn't seem to have it all together, he does seem like a Momo type, who would rather focus on the feelings of others than his own. It's good to know that he does cry.
At his question, a mischievous smile appears on Finnick's face, and for a moment he considers flirting. Then he decides against it and tries to wipe the look from his face.]
Hm... Oh, I don't know. Whatever you want to do. I just like hanging out with you. It's me who's bringing the mood down, not you. Am I allowed help you clean up?
[Daddy?]
no subject
First of all, if you'll recall, I threw the mood off first by telling you a truly thoughtless story. So you'll have to accept my apology, as well as my insistence that you don't help.
[ He's nearly done after that little monologue, anyway.
Suddenly aware that he kept the apron on for their whole meal, he laughs at himself as he removes it and drapes it over the now-cleared counter. ]
And secondly – you like just hanging out with me that much? Really?
[ It's a genuine question, and a shy one at that. So much for that daddy energy you're trying to get from him, Finnick. ]
no subject
He tilts his head to the side and gazes at Maruki, as though appraising him, but he does nothing to hide the deep, warm fondness in his expression.]
Why does that surprise you? You're kind, incredibly easy to talk to, smart, and adorable as hell.
[Of course, this could be taken as Finnick laying it on thick, trying to make another pass at Maruki. But his tone is warm and sincere, not at all the low seductive purr he takes on when he's trying to make a move. His sea-blue eyes, too, are bright from his smile rather than guarded and hungry.
No, Maruki decidedly isn't displaying any kind of daddy energy, he's just "dad", if anything. But that's what Finnick likes about it. He finds Maruki's shy awkwardness, his "bumbling" as he put it, so sweet and endearing, especially alongside the empathy he clearly possesses.]
And a good cook.
[He winks jokingly.]
no subject
That's all very kind of you to say, Finnick. I suppose it only surprises me because, well–
[ He's lost now without anything to do with his hands. He shouldn't drink more, but he'd like a bottle to roll between his palms. He's too far from Finnick to distract himself by giving him a comforting hand on a shoulder or through his hair. He has nothing left to clean unless he really wants to start digging into his dishes, which he doesn't. For a moment his hands flex uselessly in the air before him, then wind together as he runs one thumb hard along the line of his knuckles. ]
All of those people at your party! It seems like you know half of any given district. And they adore you. You could be having a much more exciting night with anyone, and you've chosen to hang out with possibly the most boring, regular man in all of 7.
[ A nervous, fleeting smile, self-deprecating but bright. ]
So forgive me for being surprised. Hah. Anyway, we could just chat for a bit longer, if you'd like...
[ Dude, do you think HE knows what to do now? HE DOESN'T. HELP. ]
no subject
[In true bisexual fashion, he leans in his chair in the most precarious way, propping his arm over the back of it as he finishes his beer, bringing his foot up onto the seat of the chair Maruki had been sitting on.]
I know lots of people, yeah. I like most people. Most people like me. That doesn't mean I can't have favourites. I don't let just anyone into my inner circle. They have to earn my trust. And you're not quite there yet, but I'm here with you in your apartment because I want you to get there.
[He shrugs. He could go on about chosen family and his willingness to die for them, too, but he doesn't want to freak Maruki out. He's already made the mistake of coming on too strong with Maruki, and he won't risk upsetting him like that again. Though, maybe he already has, with this little speech.]
Of course, if you'd rather just be friendly acquaintances who have dinner now and again, that's alright with me too. No matter how you choose to be in my life, my life will be better for it.
[He gives a small, warm smile. He'd never want Maruki to have the impression that Finnick only wants to fuck him.]