Despite the urgency of her message, it actually took Night Sky a solid half hour to drag herself to Finnick's room. Which was especially impressive given how they weren't all that far apart - but the thought of moving was hell, the scent of Lehna still lingering in the room since she had spent the night with her.
She pushed his door open and just... flopped onto the bed, sobbing before she even hit the mattress and curling into a pathetic, weeping ball.
She knew it could happen. Always anticipated it because she had suffered this heartache before with Halsin. But it never gets easier. In fact, she is convinced that it hurts more every time no matter how many times she promised they would meet again.
Night Sky was a fucking mess. She turned to face him, tears hot against his neck in an instant as she wound herself around him like a lifeline. "I want her back." she whined. "It's selfish and horrible because she's so important back in her world but I want her back."
She especially hated it because it just reminded her how fucking fickle the world was. How easily people could be ripped away from her. She gripped at him as best she could, nails scraping shallowly against his back.
"I keep telling myself it's better. She's home, where she should be. But Finnick I — I fucking hate this. I hate not knowing if I'll see her again. I promised I would but it could be years from now, fucking centuries and she might not even remember me—" She kept going, rambling nonsensically as tears poured from her eyes, her breathing erratic and her fingers flexing against his back; too hard. Hard enough to hurt.
"Hey... Hey... Sky..." He murmurs to her softly, but it doesn't have any effect, and she's getting caught in a spiral. He doesn't mind at all the way she grips him, but he needs to get her attention. He speaks low but firm into her ear.
"Hey. Daeleth. Breathe for me, baby. Put your head on my chest and try to match my breathing, okay?" He inhales and exhales, deeply and loud enough for her to hear.
The shock of hearing her private name was just enough to break her out of it; Finnick's voice piercing the haze of panic and misery she found herself in.
She did what she was told — leaned her ear against his chest and tried to breathe between sobs. It was so hard to focus, but with the rhythmic breathing and the thrumming of his heart, but she managed it, slowly.
"I'm sorry." She murmured. "I'm sorry, baby. You don't need this."
"None of that, baby. No sorrys. Just listen to my voice and breathe."
He wishes he could sing, or something. Like Katniss. She could calm anyone with that voice of hers, even on their deathbed.
"I know how much it hurts. But you're gonna be okay. I'm here for you, we all are."
He channels a little bit of healing magic into the hand on her back, which he thinks will give a warm tingling feeling there, despite her not being physically hurt. If only healing magic worked on hearts.
His voice was enough. His warmth was enough. The surge of healing magic was enough. Night Sky closed her eyes and continued to focusing on breathing, her grip on him loosening just enough that she wasn't digging her nails into his skin.
"Thank you." She finally lifted her head, eyes red rimmed and hazy with tears, and wriggled a hand up to cup his cheek. "I'm so glad you're here." Lehna wasn't and it fucking hurt, but Finnick was right. He was here, just like the others.
"I... I don't know." Then he would just be... gone. And she wanted to take him with her wherever she ended up going. Gods she couldn't even think about this now or she'd panic again.
He squeezes her shoulder, then rolls over on the bed to open his nightstand drawer. He pulls out a length of rope, about a foot long, cut from rope that he bought from Sky's shop. He also grabs his own length of it from the top of the nightstand.
He rolls back toward her and hands her the newer length.
"This is how I stay sane when stuff like this happens. I tie knots."
He ties a few simple ones to demonstrate, incredibly fast and practiced, even with the prosthetic hand.
There was a brief moment of panic when he moved away from her, but she managed not to lose her mind in the few seconds he was busy rifling through the drawer.
She sat up, taking the rope and holding it between her hands. Despite the words coming out as a sob, she managed to joke:
"If you wanted to tie me up you could have just said so." And smiled faintly. "Sorry. Show me?"
Finnick holds back his joke about the rope intentionally not being long enough for sex or tying nooses. He knows Night Sky wouldn't like a joke like that, especially not at a time like this. Instead, he smiles softly.
"Not this time, sweetness."
He shows her a basic knot, not the most basic overhand knot that most everyone knows, but one less known but still simple enough to learn easily. He explains it step by step, demonstrating with his rope, then looks to hers to help her with her attempt.
Night Sky's hands were shaking, her tears unceasing even while she tried to follow his instructions. More than once did she drop it into her lap and debated leaving it there, only to pick it up again a moment later.
Her own knot looked right, but maybe a touch too loose. She held it up for him to examine.
Poor Sky. He looks at her hands and remembers when his own would shake like that while tying. The memory feels haunting and terrible.
"You got it. Looks great." He smiles encouragingly at her, rubs her thigh gently.
"Maybe it won't be helpful for you, but I find it meditative, to tie and untie over and over. It gives me something to focus on, to keep my mind from completely leaving my body or going down a spiral. But if it's too much right now, we can try again later."
She smiled back at him, letting her hand drop as she fiddled with the knot.
"No it's... it's good." She murmured, still toying with the rope even as she shifted positions, aiming to lean herself back against Finnick and slouch while she untied and tied the rope. "Show me more? If you want."
Finnick shifts so she's sitting between his legs and leaning back on his chest, his hands in front of her with his rope. He leans against his headboard.
"Mm, no, first practice that one. Over and over. It needs to become muscle memory."
He himself also ties that knot, over and over. Tying, untying. The meditative process begins now, here, in bed. With him holding her, and something for them to focus on, something to distract her.
She was almost amazed by how well it worked. How soothing it was to just mindlessly tie and untie a simple knot. Of course it helped that Finnick was there, warm and alive and still here with her.
It did not make her forget Lehna - nothing ever would - but it helped to keep her grounded. After what felt like ages, she let her hands drop again, knot tied tight between her fingers, and turned her head to nose into the curve of Finnick's neck.
Night Sky loved easily, and sometimes she wished she didn't. Sometimes she wondered if it would be easier to steel her heart from the heartache when she lost people she loved so dearly. But then he said it back, and all she could think about was how warm it made her feel; how safe she felt in his arms and how perfect his kiss was. The pain was worth it for this - it had been worth it for the time she had with Lehna, and it had to be worth it for the time, however long or little, she would have with him, too.
She raised a hand to cup his cheek, his kiss returned with a soft hum against his lips. she parted just enough to speak, to make sure he knew in case the world whisked him away next. "I'll always love you."
Finnick feels similarly. Losing Annie, and then losing Eren, hurt so fucking much, and still does. It would be easy to close himself off to love entirely. But that would be denying himself so many beautiful things, transient as they are. He can't imagine denying himself this easy, open love with Daeleth, nor denying her, for that matter. She deserves this.
"Me, too."
And then, with a little dryness:
"I never fucking stop."
It's true. Everyone he has loved, he still loves, regardless of worlds they're in, regardless if they're alive or dead. He always will, for better or worse, no matter the pain it causes him.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Like, LEFT left?
I'm home yeah, in my room, I slept in
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She said goodbye i think while i slept
i have her crystal
can i see you
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Yeah of course baby
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She pushed his door open and just... flopped onto the bed, sobbing before she even hit the mattress and curling into a pathetic, weeping ball.
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"Oh, baby..."
He curls up around her, spooning her with his naked body, pulling the blanket up over her. He wraps arms around her, stroking her hair.
"I'm so sorry, sweetheart..."
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Night Sky was a fucking mess. She turned to face him, tears hot against his neck in an instant as she wound herself around him like a lifeline. "I want her back." she whined. "It's selfish and horrible because she's so important back in her world but I want her back."
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"I know, baby... It's not selfish. You're allowed to grieve her."
Poor thing. His heart breaks for her. Night Sky is so sweet, and doesn't deserve pain like this. He kisses the top of her head.
cw panic attack
"I keep telling myself it's better. She's home, where she should be. But Finnick I — I fucking hate this. I hate not knowing if I'll see her again. I promised I would but it could be years from now, fucking centuries and she might not even remember me—" She kept going, rambling nonsensically as tears poured from her eyes, her breathing erratic and her fingers flexing against his back; too hard. Hard enough to hurt.
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"Hey. Daeleth. Breathe for me, baby. Put your head on my chest and try to match my breathing, okay?" He inhales and exhales, deeply and loud enough for her to hear.
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She did what she was told — leaned her ear against his chest and tried to breathe between sobs. It was so hard to focus, but with the rhythmic breathing and the thrumming of his heart, but she managed it, slowly.
"I'm sorry." She murmured. "I'm sorry, baby. You don't need this."
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He wishes he could sing, or something. Like Katniss. She could calm anyone with that voice of hers, even on their deathbed.
"I know how much it hurts. But you're gonna be okay. I'm here for you, we all are."
He channels a little bit of healing magic into the hand on her back, which he thinks will give a warm tingling feeling there, despite her not being physically hurt. If only healing magic worked on hearts.
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"Thank you." She finally lifted her head, eyes red rimmed and hazy with tears, and wriggled a hand up to cup his cheek. "I'm so glad you're here." Lehna wasn't and it fucking hurt, but Finnick was right. He was here, just like the others.
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"I am, too. And I can't go back to my world, if that helps at all."
It doesn't mean he won't disappear, but maybe it's a little less likely.
After a few moments of quiet, he speaks again, softly.
"Can I show you something?"
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She sniffled. Nodded slowly. Yes.
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He squeezes her shoulder, then rolls over on the bed to open his nightstand drawer. He pulls out a length of rope, about a foot long, cut from rope that he bought from Sky's shop. He also grabs his own length of it from the top of the nightstand.
He rolls back toward her and hands her the newer length.
"This is how I stay sane when stuff like this happens. I tie knots."
He ties a few simple ones to demonstrate, incredibly fast and practiced, even with the prosthetic hand.
"I can teach you some, if you want."
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She sat up, taking the rope and holding it between her hands. Despite the words coming out as a sob, she managed to joke:
"If you wanted to tie me up you could have just said so." And smiled faintly. "Sorry. Show me?"
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"Not this time, sweetness."
He shows her a basic knot, not the most basic overhand knot that most everyone knows, but one less known but still simple enough to learn easily. He explains it step by step, demonstrating with his rope, then looks to hers to help her with her attempt.
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Her own knot looked right, but maybe a touch too loose. She held it up for him to examine.
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"You got it. Looks great." He smiles encouragingly at her, rubs her thigh gently.
"Maybe it won't be helpful for you, but I find it meditative, to tie and untie over and over. It gives me something to focus on, to keep my mind from completely leaving my body or going down a spiral. But if it's too much right now, we can try again later."
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"No it's... it's good." She murmured, still toying with the rope even as she shifted positions, aiming to lean herself back against Finnick and slouch while she untied and tied the rope. "Show me more? If you want."
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"Mm, no, first practice that one. Over and over. It needs to become muscle memory."
He himself also ties that knot, over and over. Tying, untying. The meditative process begins now, here, in bed. With him holding her, and something for them to focus on, something to distract her.
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It did not make her forget Lehna - nothing ever would - but it helped to keep her grounded. After what felt like ages, she let her hands drop again, knot tied tight between her fingers, and turned her head to nose into the curve of Finnick's neck.
"I love you."
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The words make his breath catch, and he pauses his tying, putting his knot down as well.
"I love you, too."
It's easy to say. It's easy to feel. She's easy to love. He wraps arms around her middle, tilts his head down to kiss her.
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Night Sky loved easily, and sometimes she wished she didn't. Sometimes she wondered if it would be easier to steel her heart from the heartache when she lost people she loved so dearly. But then he said it back, and all she could think about was how warm it made her feel; how safe she felt in his arms and how perfect his kiss was. The pain was worth it for this - it had been worth it for the time she had with Lehna, and it had to be worth it for the time, however long or little, she would have with him, too.
She raised a hand to cup his cheek, his kiss returned with a soft hum against his lips. she parted just enough to speak, to make sure he knew in case the world whisked him away next. "I'll always love you."
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"Me, too."
And then, with a little dryness:
"I never fucking stop."
It's true. Everyone he has loved, he still loves, regardless of worlds they're in, regardless if they're alive or dead. He always will, for better or worse, no matter the pain it causes him.
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can prob wrap soon? Will tag camping l8r tn
Works for me