"Sorry," he says reflexively, a little short of breath. He feels guilty; he wants to be happy to be here with her, because it's such a special place for her, but the fear is in the way.
"I--"
His words are gummed up in his chest. He can't seem to call the right ones to mind or get them out of his mouth. He's freezing up a little, disassociating slightly, unable to focus on much except the sick feeling in his stomach and the way his heart is pounding so fast.
"It's just- a lot like the arena..." He wishes he had more words available to explain, but hopefully that's enough for her to understand what he means.
She frowned. That explained it well enough. Night Sky looped her arms around his neck and pulled him close, leaned up on her toes to gently bump their noses together.
"I'm sorry, baby." She murmured, swaying with him slowly; soothingly. "I won't let anything even come close to hurting you, Finnick. You're safe here with me. I promise." She smiled. "Why don't we try making new memories for you, hm? No arena. No games. Nothing but you and me and nature — and s'mores." She chuckled.
"It's not me I'm worried about," he murmurs. Annie, Mags, Katniss, Peeta, Daeleth. His strong urge is to protect them all. He couldn't bear to fail at it again-- for Sky to disappear into the fog... That thought alone almost drags him completely into despair.
Words of safety don't seem to make a dent in his fear, but he pulls her close and places his hand on her back, rubbing her warm skin. That brings him back to the present ever so slightly.
"I'll try. I'll try. I'm sorry," he whispers. He squeezes his eyes shut and tries to focus on her skin on his, ducking his face into her shoulder. He shivers, his clothes still wet in the cool night air.
Her hands splayed across the back of his head, the nape of his neck, kneading soft and soothing into scalp and skin. Night Sky laid another kiss to his temple.
"It's okay, baby. Don't be sorry." It was enough she almost suggested just going back. This camping trip would work just as well within the safety of the garden. But she didn't, if only because she thought he might fight against it. "What can I do, sweetness? What do you need to make this easier?"
Her hand on his scalp feels nice, and the one on the nape of his neck helps him feel calmer- a product of conditioning from his relationship with Eren. He puts his hand on the nape of her neck as well; a promise of protection. He tries to breathe deeply.
What does he need? He has no idea.
"Ah... Touch is good... Can we... Lay with the dogs a minute?"
All that body heat would hopefully warm him up and help the feeling of security to build.
"Oh, they'll love that." She chuckled. Night Sky turned her head and growled something to the dogs. Bear Heart excitedly bounded into the tent, knocking over a few pillows in the process, while Hank patiently waited just outside of the opening.
Night Sky grasped both of Finnick's hands and walked backwards toward the tent, ducking down and flopping back into the little nest inside and urging him down between her legs, arms wrapping around him as Hank took up his post at their feet and Bear Heart bullied his way up into Finnick's space.
Finnick allows himself to be lead into the tent, on the verge of tears but hoping this will help. As he sits between her legs, he starts to remove his damp clothing, and Bear Heart comes up in his face, making him exhale a tiny, silent laugh. He allows the dog to kiss his face, which lightens his mood considerably and forcefully grounds him into the present.
He finishes getting his clothing off and leans back into Sky's arms, trying to get Bear Heart to settle on top of him or at least between his legs.
Sit on him? Say no more. Bear Heart, the big lug, flopped onto Finnick with a gleeful huff, snuggling close enough he was borderline smothering the poor guy.
Night Sky whistled softly and Hank shifted closer, curled more around their legs than posted up in front of them. Finnick was stuck between bundles of fur and Night Sky behind him, who laughed at the sight of them all. She kissed the top of Finnick's head.
Finnick laughs softly too. The weight of the dogs, the tickle of their soft fur, the warmth and secure hold of Sky behind him... There's no way he can't feel comforted and grounded now. He hums, nods. His breathing evens, and he pets Bear Heart.
After a little bit, he says:
"Never had tents or dogs in the arena, so that's different at least." Or pillows or blankets or anything of comfort.
Night Sky propped her chin atop his head, watching the fire crackling just beyond the entrance of the tent. Finnick couldn't understand Bear Heart, but Night Sky sure did — snorting out a laugh while he gushed over how much he loved pets from Finnick. He's been great since he showed up!
"You'll get used to it in time." She said confidently, fingers kneading into his chest. "I know it's scary, but you're safe with us, okay? Bear Heart especially won't let anything happen to his new best buddy, right?" On cue, Bear Heart lifted his head proudly and actually nodded, lapping his tongue across Finnick's cheek.
Bear Heart made a few odd little noises and leaned into the touch. "He says you're welcome, and also — suggests coming hunting with us sometime. He thinks it would be fun." Night Sky said.
Meanwhile Hank, her more subtle companion, shifted to gently rest his head on Finnick's leg. He's here for you too pal.
After a moment of silence, Night Sky spoke again. "I named Bear Heart after my dad." A little fun fact for him. "Acts nothing like him, but we used to go out hunting together a lot. Seemed fitting."
"That does sound fun, buddy." Finnick can certainly kill things, and he's sure Sky can teach him a lot about it.
He rests his other hand on Hank's head. Yes, this is curing him very quickly. He can't help but be calmed by the comfort, the crackle of the fire, the seemingly secure nest she's built.
"Oh, that's nice." Finnick hasn't had a dad in a very long time, but he thinks people naming things after their parents is sweet. "Protects you too, which hopefully your dad did..."
Not Finnick! His parents signed him up for the Hunger Games! Ha ha!
"Yeah, he did." She said with a soft sigh. "Been a long time since then, though. And I like to have reminders — terrible memory and all." She chuckled, the sound less mirthful than she would have liked. Her parents were... long dead. But Bear Heart could be eternal for how he came to be in the feywilds.
"And Hank was actually my boyfriend's back in Faerie. Named him after his friend and I — I'm sure you know me well enough. Couldn't just leave him when Connor left. Now he's stuck with me forever."
With her lifespan, he imagines it must have been a while, and must be hard to keep track of events and people after so many years. It makes sense that her memory isn't the best- the brain can only hold so much in it.
"It's nice that you kept him. I'm sure Connor would have wanted him to have such a good mom, and it's a good way to remember him."
He leans back into her, tugging on one of her curls and tilting his head up for a kiss.
"I'm feeling better now, if you wanted to make s'mores or-- Whatever it is you wanna do."
"He would have. And you would have loved Connor. Experienced the world mouth first, that one." She laughed.
She leaned down with the tug, lips pressed softly to his until he pulled away. Her eyes lit up. "S'mores. Yes." she squeezed her arms around him. "Up, boys." Talking not only to the dogs, but Finnick too, urging him to his feet so they could move toward the fire. She grabbed the supplies along the way and plopped down next to him.
"Mouth first?!" Finnick laughs. He's never heard that expression.
He obeys her and gets up slowly, his muscles a little stiff from how tense they were before. He picks up one of the fuzzy blankets and wraps it around himself, sitting next to Sky near the fire. It's nice and warm, and also beautiful to watch.
"Had to put his mouth on everything. I never complained." Duh.
Anyway! Smores! Night Sky excitedly pulled out everything they needed, kissing the top of Finnick's head as she handed him a stick with a marshmallow at the end. "Okay. You're going to roast that over the fire until it starts browning. Not too much."
"Sounds like your kinda guy. And mine." He smirks.
He takes the stick and starts roasting the mallow. It's hard to see exactly how brown it gets, but he is used to roasting things.
Unforutnately, the things Finnick usually roasts are not nearly so flammable as the little ball of sugar, and he almost immediately holds it too close to flame and catches it.
"Ah!" He brings it toward him, trying to blow it out but a bit too busy laughing.
Night Sky squealed in both surprise and a fit of laughter herself when he pulled the flaming marshmallow back, blowing on it hurriedly to put it out. "My sweet, stupid baby boy, I didn't think I had to specify not to jam it into the fire." Said with all the love in her heart.
Normally he doesn't like condescension, but this is Night Sky, and also, he was being stupid. It feels more like a compliment coming from her anyway, so he just giggles into her.
Then he examines the marshmallow. Half of it is black.
She leaned in to quickly kiss those pouting lips, "I mean, no, but..." She plucked the marshmallow off the stick and popped it into her mouth, chewing for a moment before speaking. "Your first s'more has to be perfect. Here." Stuck another one on the end of his stick, set her hand over his, and gently eased the stick over the fire. "Slow and steady, baby. Then turn it just a little."
He smiles again at the kiss, and her help with the marshmallow. He holds it where she guides him to, careful not to get it too close this time. He leans his head on her shoulder again, wrapping his real arm around her, praying his fake hand doesn't fail him now and drop this shit into the fire.
"I like being yours."
Her baby. It's nice. He's never really been that to someone, not even Annie- that was more the other way around.
Night Sky felt her cheeks flush, and she was so tempted to just say fuck it to the s'mores and kiss him again, harder, longer.
Soon. She did turn her head to kiss his temple. "I like that you're mine." She murmured into his hair. "And I plan to keep you, sweet thing."
Night Sky urged his stick back, the marshmallow nice and toasty brown. She gathered up the crackers and chocolate. "Here hold this." She handed him said cracker and chocolate, then grabbed the marshmallow and squished it onto the chocolate. "Okay, now you get another cracker and squish it all together."
He smiles against her, then sits up again to make the s'more.
"Squiiiiiish," he says, as he squishes the sandwich all together. It just seems right to say it.
He laughs in amazement as he examines the sandwich of pure sugar. Then he takes a bite. The marshmallow gets all over his lips and fingers, but it tastes amazing.
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"I--"
His words are gummed up in his chest. He can't seem to call the right ones to mind or get them out of his mouth. He's freezing up a little, disassociating slightly, unable to focus on much except the sick feeling in his stomach and the way his heart is pounding so fast.
"It's just- a lot like the arena..." He wishes he had more words available to explain, but hopefully that's enough for her to understand what he means.
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"I'm sorry, baby." She murmured, swaying with him slowly; soothingly. "I won't let anything even come close to hurting you, Finnick. You're safe here with me. I promise." She smiled. "Why don't we try making new memories for you, hm? No arena. No games. Nothing but you and me and nature — and s'mores." She chuckled.
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Words of safety don't seem to make a dent in his fear, but he pulls her close and places his hand on her back, rubbing her warm skin. That brings him back to the present ever so slightly.
"I'll try. I'll try. I'm sorry," he whispers. He squeezes his eyes shut and tries to focus on her skin on his, ducking his face into her shoulder. He shivers, his clothes still wet in the cool night air.
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"It's okay, baby. Don't be sorry." It was enough she almost suggested just going back. This camping trip would work just as well within the safety of the garden. But she didn't, if only because she thought he might fight against it. "What can I do, sweetness? What do you need to make this easier?"
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What does he need? He has no idea.
"Ah... Touch is good... Can we... Lay with the dogs a minute?"
All that body heat would hopefully warm him up and help the feeling of security to build.
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Night Sky grasped both of Finnick's hands and walked backwards toward the tent, ducking down and flopping back into the little nest inside and urging him down between her legs, arms wrapping around him as Hank took up his post at their feet and Bear Heart bullied his way up into Finnick's space.
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He finishes getting his clothing off and leans back into Sky's arms, trying to get Bear Heart to settle on top of him or at least between his legs.
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Night Sky whistled softly and Hank shifted closer, curled more around their legs than posted up in front of them. Finnick was stuck between bundles of fur and Night Sky behind him, who laughed at the sight of them all. She kissed the top of Finnick's head.
"Better?"
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After a little bit, he says:
"Never had tents or dogs in the arena, so that's different at least." Or pillows or blankets or anything of comfort.
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"You'll get used to it in time." She said confidently, fingers kneading into his chest. "I know it's scary, but you're safe with us, okay? Bear Heart especially won't let anything happen to his new best buddy, right?" On cue, Bear Heart lifted his head proudly and actually nodded, lapping his tongue across Finnick's cheek.
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"Thanks, buddy." He scratches behind the dog's ear.
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Meanwhile Hank, her more subtle companion, shifted to gently rest his head on Finnick's leg. He's here for you too pal.
After a moment of silence, Night Sky spoke again. "I named Bear Heart after my dad." A little fun fact for him. "Acts nothing like him, but we used to go out hunting together a lot. Seemed fitting."
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He rests his other hand on Hank's head. Yes, this is curing him very quickly. He can't help but be calmed by the comfort, the crackle of the fire, the seemingly secure nest she's built.
"Oh, that's nice." Finnick hasn't had a dad in a very long time, but he thinks people naming things after their parents is sweet. "Protects you too, which hopefully your dad did..."
Not Finnick! His parents signed him up for the Hunger Games! Ha ha!
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"And Hank was actually my boyfriend's back in Faerie. Named him after his friend and I — I'm sure you know me well enough. Couldn't just leave him when Connor left. Now he's stuck with me forever."
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"It's nice that you kept him. I'm sure Connor would have wanted him to have such a good mom, and it's a good way to remember him."
He leans back into her, tugging on one of her curls and tilting his head up for a kiss.
"I'm feeling better now, if you wanted to make s'mores or-- Whatever it is you wanna do."
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"He would have. And you would have loved Connor. Experienced the world mouth first, that one." She laughed.
She leaned down with the tug, lips pressed softly to his until he pulled away. Her eyes lit up. "S'mores. Yes." she squeezed her arms around him. "Up, boys." Talking not only to the dogs, but Finnick too, urging him to his feet so they could move toward the fire. She grabbed the supplies along the way and plopped down next to him.
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He obeys her and gets up slowly, his muscles a little stiff from how tense they were before. He picks up one of the fuzzy blankets and wraps it around himself, sitting next to Sky near the fire. It's nice and warm, and also beautiful to watch.
He leans over, resting his head on her shoulder.
"Alright, teach me the ways of the s'more."
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Anyway! Smores! Night Sky excitedly pulled out everything they needed, kissing the top of Finnick's head as she handed him a stick with a marshmallow at the end. "Okay. You're going to roast that over the fire until it starts browning. Not too much."
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He takes the stick and starts roasting the mallow. It's hard to see exactly how brown it gets, but he is used to roasting things.
Unforutnately, the things Finnick usually roasts are not nearly so flammable as the little ball of sugar, and he almost immediately holds it too close to flame and catches it.
"Ah!" He brings it toward him, trying to blow it out but a bit too busy laughing.
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Night Sky squealed in both surprise and a fit of laughter herself when he pulled the flaming marshmallow back, blowing on it hurriedly to put it out. "My sweet, stupid baby boy, I didn't think I had to specify not to jam it into the fire." Said with all the love in her heart.
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Normally he doesn't like condescension, but this is Night Sky, and also, he was being stupid. It feels more like a compliment coming from her anyway, so he just giggles into her.
Then he examines the marshmallow. Half of it is black.
"Is it bad now?" He pouts.
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"I like being yours."
Her baby. It's nice. He's never really been that to someone, not even Annie- that was more the other way around.
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Soon. She did turn her head to kiss his temple. "I like that you're mine." She murmured into his hair. "And I plan to keep you, sweet thing."
Night Sky urged his stick back, the marshmallow nice and toasty brown. She gathered up the crackers and chocolate. "Here hold this." She handed him said cracker and chocolate, then grabbed the marshmallow and squished it onto the chocolate. "Okay, now you get another cracker and squish it all together."
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"Squiiiiiish," he says, as he squishes the sandwich all together. It just seems right to say it.
He laughs in amazement as he examines the sandwich of pure sugar. Then he takes a bite. The marshmallow gets all over his lips and fingers, but it tastes amazing.
"Omahgah," he says, giggling a little.
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wrapping this for our sanity