[He's smiling, but there's a hint of exasperation in his tone. Dolph's self-esteem is so low, and Finnick just wants him to believe that he is liked and wanted.]
I'm inviting everyone. The entire town. But if I don't see you there, you'll be in trouble.
[He points and squints at him playfully over the top of his beer.]
[ . . . well. he feels a bit bad now. he's never been good at. this. with people who are bright and extroverted, who thrive with other people. he wishes he was, but dolph knows it'll never be him.
he ducks his head a little as he attempts to be nicer. ]
I just meant . . . that I hope it's fun. It's your birthday. You should enjoy it the most. Isn't that what matters?
[Finnick exhales, not quite a sigh, and turns to rest his elbows on the counter, looking at his bottle and beginning to pull off the label.]
I guess that's just me, I always want to please everyone.
[He looks up at Dolph with a small smile. It's not exactly a downer, but Dolph does always make things feel... Deep, even something like talk of a party, which Finnick didn't think would get deep at all.]
But yeah, I will. I'll probably be having too much fun to notice if someone isn't.
And... If a party isn't your scene, we could do something just the two of us instead? Because I would like to see you.
It's not a bad thing. It's just . . . tricky because it can hurt when they don't.
[ it's never been his problem. he was a terrorist in the eyes of eden and its media. public enemy number two. where once he did tours for sick children and their "laserhawk" toys probably burned them in disgust.
he has manageable expectations. he is who he is, despite eden, despite everything. he may not be as charming or kind as others, but at least he is himself. he can own that.
dolph blinks for a moment. ]
I'll still come if you want me to. Like I said, I'm just not very . . . party person. But if you prefer something just between us, I'm fine with that too.
Mm. If they don't, I'm not usually hurt, I just try again.
[He smiles.]
Which... Is exhausting.
[He... Didn't expect to say that part out loud. But it's true. It can be completely and utterly exhausting to always be what others want you to be.]
I would love to see you there... Why not both? That way you won't feel obligated to stay at the party if you're not feeling it.
Or is that too greedy of me? [He laughs. Honestly, he almost said "whatever you prefer", but that would be a bit too obviously people-pleasing where they're already talking about that.]
[He furrows his brow as he stares at the little bits of label he's pulling, scratching at. He thinks for a while. He remembers his conversation with Night Sky on her birthday.]
I want to be... Someone who makes a difference. I want to help people and make things better generally for people who are struggling.
[ dolph falls silent. he turns the beer bottle in his hands. he's a cyborg. what he is has been defined for him, even if he's shedded a couple of labels and gained new ones in his departure from eden.
he's just dolph laserhawk now. no longer captain. no longer a terrorist. no longer . . . alex's. no longer the warden's ghost. beyond that . . . he doesn't need to be anything else. ]
Who I am is what you see. I'm just someone who owns a club.
[ he looks down at his beer bottle once more. ]
But I guess . . . I want to be someone who is loved. Who gets to be happy. Who is no longer betrayed. That's good enough for me.
[Finnick raises a brow. Someone who owns a club. What an odd way to identify oneself. Though, Dolph obviously wants to leave his past behind, and that is his profession in this new world, and plenty of people identify themselves by their professions.]
Then you will be.
[Finnick smiles. Dolph can easily be loved. Finnick is sure that he is already. Finnick can also see himself loving Dolph, as a friend if nothing else.]
No. It's not unlikely. The person who loved me . . . sold me out. He said he had to give up the thing he loved the most to achieve revolution for the people.
I'm not unlovable. I'm just tired of being left behind for something more.
[ alex, livio, astarion. they all had a bigger calling than dolph. jean loves him but he's married. so dolph just takes what he gets and hopes for a someday. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[He's smiling, but there's a hint of exasperation in his tone. Dolph's self-esteem is so low, and Finnick just wants him to believe that he is liked and wanted.]
I'm inviting everyone. The entire town. But if I don't see you there, you'll be in trouble.
[He points and squints at him playfully over the top of his beer.]
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The entire place? It's going to be hectic.
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[He puts his palm down on the counter dramatically.]
Chaos. That's what I want. It'll be so fun!
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Well. As long as it's fun for you.
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[Finnick deflates a little, leaning against the counter. He'd hoped Dolph might want to come or... Mirror his excitement even a little.]
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he ducks his head a little as he attempts to be nicer. ]
I just meant . . . that I hope it's fun. It's your birthday. You should enjoy it the most. Isn't that what matters?
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[He's speaking sort of quietly now.]
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[ god, he's being a downer. should he lie? but dolph's never been good at lying either. ]
I think it's more important to chase your own happiness. And I'm sure the people will follow. People who enjoy that. And people who care.
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I guess that's just me, I always want to please everyone.
[He looks up at Dolph with a small smile. It's not exactly a downer, but Dolph does always make things feel... Deep, even something like talk of a party, which Finnick didn't think would get deep at all.]
But yeah, I will. I'll probably be having too much fun to notice if someone isn't.
And... If a party isn't your scene, we could do something just the two of us instead? Because I would like to see you.
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[ it's never been his problem. he was a terrorist in the eyes of eden and its media. public enemy number two. where once he did tours for sick children and their "laserhawk" toys probably burned them in disgust.
he has manageable expectations. he is who he is, despite eden, despite everything. he may not be as charming or kind as others, but at least he is himself. he can own that.
dolph blinks for a moment. ]
I'll still come if you want me to. Like I said, I'm just not very . . . party person. But if you prefer something just between us, I'm fine with that too.
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[He smiles.]
Which... Is exhausting.
[He... Didn't expect to say that part out loud. But it's true. It can be completely and utterly exhausting to always be what others want you to be.]
I would love to see you there... Why not both? That way you won't feel obligated to stay at the party if you're not feeling it.
Or is that too greedy of me? [He laughs. Honestly, he almost said "whatever you prefer", but that would be a bit too obviously people-pleasing where they're already talking about that.]
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You should just be whoever you want. Be greedy, be selfish, be anything. That's what living is all about. The freedom to be yourself.
We can do both.
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I'm not totally sure who I am.
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[ it's normal. sometimes he doesn't either. ]
Who do you want to be?
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I want to be... Someone who makes a difference. I want to help people and make things better generally for people who are struggling.
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[ there's no doubt in his voice. it's clear and unwavering, like always. ]
Just give it time.
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And you?
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What about me?
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[He's curious. And he doesn't like to be the only one sharing things.]
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he's just dolph laserhawk now. no longer captain. no longer a terrorist. no longer . . . alex's. no longer the warden's ghost. beyond that . . . he doesn't need to be anything else. ]
Who I am is what you see. I'm just someone who owns a club.
[ he looks down at his beer bottle once more. ]
But I guess . . . I want to be someone who is loved. Who gets to be happy. Who is no longer betrayed. That's good enough for me.
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Then you will be.
[Finnick smiles. Dolph can easily be loved. Finnick is sure that he is already. Finnick can also see himself loving Dolph, as a friend if nothing else.]
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We'll see.
[ his luck would have to vastly improve for that sort of thing. ]
But I try. One step at a time.
[ he's not going to give up on it. ]
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What, you think it's that unlikely that you'll be loved? Or is it the happiness you'll see about?
[Happiness is hard to achieve. Especially for people who come from worlds like they do.]
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No. It's not unlikely. The person who loved me . . . sold me out. He said he had to give up the thing he loved the most to achieve revolution for the people.
I'm not unlovable. I'm just tired of being left behind for something more.
[ alex, livio, astarion. they all had a bigger calling than dolph. jean loves him but he's married. so dolph just takes what he gets and hopes for a someday. ]
I just want something to last.
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